When Love Gets Complicated
by Typhoon73
Summary: Jane and Maura's marriage has failed, but they still have a great relationship and deep feelings for each other. They made some rushed decisions at the beginning of their relationship and Jane has to figure out what she really wants and why she walked this way. Give it a shot if you want to. Rizzles at the end! Written in Jane's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**I probably know what you think,** _ **Oh, no, not another started story**_ **. But this idea didn't leave me for a while and I want to share it with you, and I intend to finish all my stories I started. If you know me and the said stories, you know that this will be Rizzles, but it will take a while this time. I hope you'll give it a try.**

 **T73.**

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A groan escapes from my throat as I am about to wake up and I can feel that I didn't fall asleep in my bed because my back's killing me. I crack an eye open and find myself laying on my uncomfortable couch that is standing in the middle of my almost empty room. I once lived in Charlestown, and then I lived in Beacon Hill. God knows how I ended up in Jamaica Plain. Well, somehow it was my own decision to move here and that's why I won't complain about it. The whole situation is based on decision that I made and believed that they would be the best for everyone, that's what I thought, at some days I am proven wrong.

I sit up on the couch and realize that I am still dressed in my pantsuit I've been wearing the previous day, I must have fallen asleep because of exhaustion. If I would had numbed my brain with alcohol, it'd feel different right now. I run an hand over my face and frown. I don't know how, why and when everything had started to change, I had a good life with wonderful people surrounding me, people who cared about me and tried to support me. And I had a woman in my life I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, a woman who understood me completely and knew how to take me. Sure, we had our ups and downs like every normal couple, just because you are in a same-sex relationship it doesn't mean that you are spared from the **normal** life. You fight, you scream at each other and sometimes you say things to each other that you'll regret at the end of the day and wish you could take them back. I said a lot of those things just to hurt the woman I love more than my own life just to have a reason to not going home. Telling her that I am a failure and not good enough for her made her agree to that at the end and then I was hurt. Don't ask my why I was hurt, I spend long hours to put those words into her mouth. I tend to push people away when they get to close too me, I shut them out. She and I had been friends for years before I got my shit together and told her how I truly felt about her, still feel about her. I still remember the surprised look of her as I showed up in the middle of the night at her door and she asker me if I'd be alright and if I am drunk. I answered both questions in the negative, I was fully aware of what I was doing and I still can hear the surprised gasp as I pressed my lips to hers without waiting for her to protest.

Oh, her lips, so full and soft …

I stretch my back before I get up from the couch to get me a glass of water before I get too much carried away. I fill my glass with water and empty it with one swig, closing my eyes and hate myself for doing so because her hazel eyes are still haunting me. The hurt look when I started to pack my bag and the tears that streamed down her face as I left the house. We separated on good terms, though. Well, we didn't yell at each other and could talk to each other after I left the house, left her. All right, it was a little awkward in the beginning and there always has been a uncomfortable silence when we have been alone in a room, but both of us knew that we have a reason for acting civil around each other, more than just one.

I sigh heavily and run my hands over my face. It's not like we just broke up. It wasn't just a simple break up, we got divorced. We got married almost one year after we became officially a couple and separated after six years of marriage. It's not that I fell out of love with her, but I wasn't happy anymore and I could see in her eyes that she wasn't either. My family has been horrified when we told them that we were about to get divorced and my mother instantly told me that she loves me but that she wouldn't take a side. That's something neither of us asked her to do, I know that my mother loves her as much as she loves me and asking her to pick one side would be iniquitously. Just because we didn't work out as a couple doesn't mean that Ma has to choose one of us. That's what we told everyone who has been affected by our separation, neither of them had to pick one side. I know that some couples are fighting for the sympathy of their families and friends try to make them chose a side after the split, but she and I never had been such persons. We are respecting each other, we always had, and that's something that will never change. I mean, we are not twelve anymore.

I nearly jump out of my skin as I risk a glance at my watch and see that it is almost noon. _Damn it_ , I think and head towards the bathroom, stripping down in the same time. We had agreed to meet in Boston Common in less then forty-five minutes and I really need to take a shower, I don't want her to think that I've fallen asleep on my couch drunk. I start the jet and step under it immediately, hissing as the hot water hits my naked body. I welcome the little pain and lean my head back in my neck. Pictures of her joining me in the shower are flashing before my mind's eye and how her hands roam over my body, and how her lips feel against my exposed skin. My eyes snap open as it gets a little too far and have to admonish myself because I have no time for taking care of my needs right now. I maybe can fantasize about her when I am in my bed at the end of the day. Don't get me wrong, I am not some idiot who left the love of the life and then satisfy herself by thinking of the ex when I am hot and bothered. I still love her and I think she still loves me back, but sometimes there are things in life that are insurmountable, and then, most of times, a separation seems to be the best solution before you hurt each other, or hurt each other even more.

I crave for her touch and her kisses. I crave for the looks and smiles she once gave me when strut into her office. She still smiles at me when I enter her office, but it doesn't feel the same anymore.

After a separation, you take your time, you heal and then you move on. That's what she did. When she started to date men again, it broke my heart and it made me angry in the beginning. But what can I say? I knew that it wouldn't take long until the first admirer would make an appearance, she is a beautiful woman. Who am I fooling? She is gorgeous.

Do you know how it feels when you love someone so much that it hurts? When you think you can't even breath when your partner isn't around? When you start to panicky when that person doesn't lay beside you in the bed when you wake up in the middle of the night and didn't call to inform you that they work a extra shift, and you start to call every single hospital and morgue in the area, because you picture the worst case scenario? When you start to lose yourself in it?

Did you know that it is a dangerous kind of love?

I sigh again and turn off the water and make my way into the small bedroom to get dressed, knowing that I will be late anyway. I take a washed-out jeans and a white tee out of my closet and before I put on my bra and boy shorts. I smirk to myself because I can see her rolling her eyes because of my choice. What can I say? I am a simple girl when it comes to outer garments and underwear. She always tried to make me wear a dress or high heels, but no thank you, it's not my style. And somehow, I know that she silently enjoyed that I am a little bit more masculine than her. We are so different, and yet we have so much in common.

Though I always pretended to be the strong part in our relationship who had to protect my loved ones by all means, I could let down my guard when I was around her and she didn't judge me for not being so strong like everyone thinks. She had me seen at all kind of states. She had seen me angry, she had seen me suffering, she had seen me broken and vulnerable, and she never took advantage of it. She had seen who I really am. When I felt the need to cry, she held me close. When I felt the need to yell at someone, she was the one who let it wash over her without saying a word. When I started to fall apart, she held me close.

I groan and stuff the hem of my shirt into the jeans and take a look out of the window. I groan even louder because it looks like the sun tries to melt us all. I decide to put my hair in a ponytail and grab my phone from the nightstand, God knows how it makes its way to here. I swear to God, I didn't drink any alcohol last night, but I must have been so exhausted that my brain erased my last actions before I fell asleep on the couch. Well, no wonder. We had catch a case that involved four murdered siblings and we worked three days non-stop until we figured out that the mother killed them before her ex-husband gets sole custody. I still don't get how mothers can kill their own children, and I am sure that I will never understand it. I didn't like Peter Robinson either, but he seemed to be a good father. The case got to all of us, Emma died at the age of four, she was the youngest. Kristen was seven, Maria ten and Henry died at the age of eleven. I better not think about it or I drive to prison and beat some sense into their mother's head. I check my phone as I grab my keys from the kitchen counter and have to smile as I see that I missed a call, I already know who called to make sure that I actually come to the park. My smile grows bigger because I have been right. I type a quick response and shut the apartment door behind me.

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I hate to be right, the sun is trying to melt every human being in Boston. I don't mind the warm weather, but it's bothering me because a weak ago I felt like living in Antarctica. I make my way through Boston Common and smile as a little boy throws himself a German Shepard who seems to belong to him. I always liked family times in the park because it gives me the illusion that everything is all right. I the smile on my lips grows bigger as one single word hits my ears.

"Mama!" A girl yells delighted and before I know it, I feel a impact against my legs that makes me stumble backwards.

"Careful, Haley." I hear a warningly voice that I know by heart. I look down at the little girl with wavy dark brown hair and hazel eyes and need no time to scoop her up in my arms. My four years old daughter is one of the reasons why I behave civil around her Mommy. She has my hair but the eyes of her other mother and I know that Haley will break a lot of hearts when she is old enough. The first time we met, I instantly said that she is perfect, and perfect she is. I furrow my brows and can't help the smile that is spreading across my face. "Hi, my angel. How are you doing?" She nods in response and I do the same. I love Haley's mother but she is my everything. "You're doing fine?"

"You are late," she replies and makes a pouty face, tugging at the collar of my shirt.

I give her a smacking kiss on her cheek and nod approvingly. "I know, baby, I'm sorry. Do you wanna show me where Mommy's sitting?" I ask her as I set Haley back to the ground and smile as she grabs my hand, leading the way. Every time I see her, she grew taller a little bit. I never believed my mother when she said that you can literally watch your children growing out of their clothes, but I have to admit she has been right. Four years ago, Haley has been a small bundle in my arms and now I start to plan her weeding. Ahem, no, I am not. I almost stumble over my feet as I spot the beautiful blonde sitting on a blanket who is wearing a yellow summer dress.

Haley looks up at me and her eyes are sparkling. "Hurry, Mama."

"All right, all right." I laugh because my daughter has as much patience as me, and hold my breath as she gets up from the blanket. I swallow down the lump in my throat and force myself to smile. "Hey, Maura."

Maura smiles back at me and then down at our daughter. "Hello, Jane." She replies and raise her eyebrows. "I told you to be careful, young lady."

"Sorry." Haley mumbles with pursed lips.

"Maura, it's okay." I chuckle and press my lips to my ex-wife's cheek to say hello. It's something we still. "Nothing happened."

Our faces are only inches away and she is holding my gaze. "You are late."

I chuckle again and run my left ha pond through Haley's dark hair. "I already was told so. I'm sorry, but I got up late." I say and flop down on the blanket and Haley climbs onto my lap. I kiss the side of her head and wrap my arms tightly around her little body."

"Were you -" Maura doesn't finish the question but I can see it anyway. _Have you been drinking_?

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "No. No, I was just exhausted and fell asleep on the couch." I say and she nods slowly.

Haley presses her head to my chest and looks up with expectant eyes. "Mama, are you coming home today?"

My heart breaks as soon as she ask me that and I can see Maura's sad glance. "Bug," I say softly and tuck a strand of dark hair behind her ear. How do you explain a four-year old that you are not living with her Mommy at the same place anymore? She was two and a half as Maura and I split and I am around as many times as possible. "we already talked about it. Mommy and I … we have our own places now. But I will be there whenever you need me."

"You can have my room at home." The little girl proposes and looks at me with hope in her eyes. "I sleep in Nick's room."

 _Nick_! Nicks is Maura's and mine seven years old son. After she and I become a couple we soon talked about starting a family together because we had the childish fantasy that we would stay together for the rest of our lives, that's why we started to try becoming parents rather quickly. It's not like I love Nick any less than Haley, on the contrary, both of them are my heart and my soul, but he is just as smart as Maura and understood what happen when I moved out of our house. He thought that he and Haley would be the reason for it, but he quickly understood that sometimes it happens that parents drift apart for no reason and that no one is to be blamed, especially not the children. But we do have a tight-drawn relationship and I don't blame him for that. I walked out at him when he needed me most and I do regret it. I was the only one who could put him back to sleep after he woke up in the middle of the night, and I was the one who was supposed to read bedtime stories because of my funny voices, and then … I was gone all of a sudden. I looks briefly at Maura and sigh. "Thank you, Haley, but -" I trail off when my eyes lock with a pair of other brown eyes and my heart leaps in my chest. I can see that he is torn apart and doesn't know what to do. Our son Nick is an exact copy of me, he looks like I made him myself. He has the same dark and curly hair like me and the same intense eyes like me. I swallow hard and reach out for him. "Come here." I croak and he doesn't waste a minute and literally throws himself at me. I hug both of my children tight and have to force the tears in my eyes back. "Hey, big boy." I whisper into his hair which need a haircut, but that doesn't matter on this moment.

I might appear to be a tough person when it comes to my job, but deep down in my heart I am a soft, family person. My family is above all else and if someone comes up and threats them, you better get out of my way.

I am surprised that Nick is holding onto me like I am his lifeline and a sob escapes from my throat. Leaving Maura behind me broke my heart, leaving my kids almost killed me.

"Mama." He whispers against me and I frown. I have the feeling that something has happened in the two weeks I haven't seen the kids. It wasn't like I didn't want to see them, but my work kept me occupied. That is always a reason Maura and I get into a serious disagreement, when I can't take our kids to my place because of work. I pull back and scrutinize his face. "Nick, what's wrong?"

He has tears in his eyes as he looks back at me. "Can I live with you?" He asks and I can hear Maura's horrified gasp.

"Me too." Haley pipes up and looks up at me too.

Alarms are setting off in my head and I turn my head to look at my ex-wife, I can feel that I have a puzzled expression. "What happened?" I ask and she drops her eyes to her lap. "Maura?"

"Andrew moved in last week." She finally admits but doesn't look at me.

My body tense up as she mention his name. Andrew. Andrew Tanner is a doctor at Mass Gen and an idiot, I didn't like him in the first place. He is arrogant and a chauvinist, I don't know what Maura is seeing in him. Okay, he is quiet handsome with his dark hair and blue eyes, even Ma doesn't like him but perhaps that's because she refuse to let go of the hope that Maura and I get back together. But who am I to tell Maura that Andrew is an prick. They are together for eight months now and all of us are surprised that they are still together. In the beginning, it looked like Andrew was some kind of distraction for Maura and now they are living together … something tells me that this smells.

Maura licks her lips and hands me a bottle of water. "Maybe you can take the kids for this week?"

I can see that this is a serious request and nod slowly, placing a hand over hers. Maybe we are not married anymore but Maura is still a part of my family and I care about her. And my children are always welcomed at my place. If she needs time to sort things out, I'll give her this time.


	2. Chapter 2

**You guys are absolutely amazing! Thank you all for the support and for the reading, following, favorite and reviewing this story. I didn't think that I would get so much positive feedback. I am really goad that you like this one. I really hope that I don't disappoint you with this update.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **T73.**

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I dramatically groan as I open the door to my apartment and I hear Haley and Nick giggle. That sound will always make my day. I laugh as I feel a strong hand giving me a push an stumble into my apartment. Some people might think that we act like that because of the kids, but it is more for ourselves. I still love when I can make Maura smile and see that the smile on her lips' s reaching her eyes and the sparkle in her eyes. Way too often do I have to bite back the words **I love you**. This is on me, I drew the line. I roll my eyes as Nick barge into me as he makes his way to his room but I let him get him away with it … for now. He probably forgot that he was the one who want to live with me, but many things can change within two days. Perhaps **Andrew** is his new hero now, but I doubt that as he comes back, flops down on the couch and pretend to busy himself with his PSP.

I splutter and squint my eyes, he probably has forgotten that he was the one who asked to stay at my place.

Maura chuckles and runs an hand down my arm. "He is complicated these days."

"No kidding?" I ask laughingly and turn serious because I know that she is about to leave. I don't want her to leave just yet. "Do you want a cup of coffee or tea?"

"Jane," she says elongated.

I do the same," Maura."

She laughs and sits down on one of the high stools. "Coffee, please."

I give her a wicked grin. "All right."

She's blushing because she knows exactly what I am thinking in this moment and my heart skips a beat. I don't even know why I have such thoughts in this moment and I feel like the biggest jerk in this world. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she replies and brush my hand with her fingers as I push the mug towards her. "I sometimes think about it too."

If I would hold a cup in my hand in this moment, I'd drop it to the floor, or if I wouldn't have any self-composure. "So, you and Andy." I say and hate myself for it.

Maura licks her lips and cups the mug with both of her hands. "Yes, Andrew and me."

"I didn't think that it would be so serious."

I can see that she would like to avoid this topic because she finds the steaming beverage very interesting. Even though we are acting like grown-ups there are things that piss me off, things like talking about her new lover. But I need to talk about it. It's a kind of self-punishment. I stare down into my own mug and fear the answer to my next question, "Do you love him?"

"I like him." She gives me as an answer which means absolutely nothing in her world. She also cares about Ma and particularly shares a house without being romantically involved.

"Do you love him," I repeat my question and she shifts in her seat.

"He's there for me when I need him." She says.

What the hell? Like I never had been there for her when she needed me most, but I bite my tongue in that moment. I don't want us to separate ways in a fight. I take a deep breath and run an hand through my hair. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing, Jane," Maura asks and her voice is soft.

My eyes are glued to the back of my son's head and have to smile when Haley runs up to the couch, jumps on it and places her head on her brother's shoulder. It's not like they are always a palsy-walsy, but it warms my heart every time they don't end up in a disagreement. "For putting the job before you." I pause and shake my head. "For putting myself before you sometimes." I don't give Maura a chance to reply and walk to the couch where my children are sitting. I flop down with a groan and am surprised that he puts his PSP to the side. He looks me in the eye and hugs me tight, it takes my breath away.

"I love you, Mama." He whispers into my ear and, once again, I wonder what's going on. I make the mental note to ask him later what is going on and why he has such mood changes. "I love you too, Nick." I reply and run my hand through his curly hair. I quirk an eyebrow and try to take a look at the game he's playing. "What are you playing, kid?"

He skids away and smirk. "Nothing."

I know those kind of nothings and I give him a skeptical look. "Uh-huh," I say slowly and it makes him smile even more. The door of my apartment gets opened and Frankie comes in which makes my children jumping up to their feet and they run towards my little brother.

"Frankie." They squeal in unison and I have the feeling that I am going to be deaf for the rest of the day.

I throw my arms up and frown as he catches my little ones in time. "Yay, Frankie's here."

Frankie rolls his eyes and Maura chuckles. He goes over to her and gives her a kiss on her cheek, asking her how she's doing. She informs him how she actually is doing but omit the detail of Andy moving in with her. I know that there's a reason why she's doing it, Frankie doesn't like Andy as well.

We got to know Andy at a family dinner and he gave us the feeling that he's only interested in Maura because of her name, money and connections, he didn't look even one time at Nick or Haley. He pretended that they aren't existing and that made me want to rip his head off, and I saw that Frankie had the same thought.

I take a deep breath and get up from the couch too, walking up to my brother and hugging him tightly.

"How are you doing, Janie," he asks and scrutinize my face.

I hold his gaze and give him a nod. I don't have to put in words how I am doing when the name Andy still lingers in the room. I want to be somewhere else, at the shooting range to be exact, but I gave Maura my word to have our kids for the week and I stay true to my word. **And** I already have missed one week in their lives, I won't miss another one if I don't have to.

"I should go now." Maura says and starts to gather her belongings.

I come out of my haze and blink a couple of times. "Let me walk you out." I say and Frankie gives me a nod now to signal me that he's looking after the little rascals while I'm gone.

She takes a deep breath and seems to disagree, but then she shuts her mouth again. She bid good bye to Haley and Nick and wishes them a good time with me before we leave the apartment. We don't say a word as we make our way down and towards her Toyota. I know that Maura sometimes needs a little time for herself, it's not like she doesn't love our kids. On the contrary, when it comes to Nick and Haley she turns into a lioness just like me. I open the driver's door after she unlocked the car and stare unashamed at her. "I would like to take you out sometime." What the hell? Where did that come from? I try to don't make things more complicated and then I say something like that? I applaud myself internally and suppress the urge to roll my eyes at myself.

"Jane," Maura says and shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

"As a friend." I toss in before she can finish her sentence. "Just as a friend, Maura. I mean … We used to have lunch together before -" _Everything fell apart_ , I finish the sentence in my head.

She smiles sadly at me and nods. "Lunch sounds great."

"Okay," I say and step to the side so she can get into her car. "Give me a call when you are free."

She smiles and sits down on the driver's seat. "I will."

I wiggle my eyebrows and shut the door. I watch her driving off and run an hand through my hair. I would like to take you out sometime. Really? I groan loudly and head towards the building.

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I tuck Nick up and smile down at him before I kiss his forehead. "Time to go to sleep, little monkey." I say and switch the light on his nightstand off.

"Mama?" He says all of a sudden when I am about to get up to my feet.

I stop dead and sit back down with a frown. "Yes, honey."

He hesitates and starts to fidget the fingers of my right hand. "Is Andrew our dad, our real dad?"

My heart drops and the frown deepens. "Why are you asking that?"

Nick is silent for a brief moment and purses his lips. "He said that he is my father and that I have to do what he say."

I can feel that anger starts to boil in the pit of my stomach and have to swallow the dangerously low growl that threats to escape from my throat because I don't want Nick to think that he did something wrong or that I am mad at him. The only one I am mad at right now is Andy. How do you explain your son that you have absolutely no idea who his biological begetter is? I mean, it could be possible that Maura and I unfortunately picked Andrew Tanner as sperm donor, but that doesn't mean that he has any rights. I sigh and rub his leg. "Does Mom know that Andy said that?"

He bites his bottom lip and shakes his head. "I don't want him to be my dad." He admits and frowns now.

It breaks my heart as I hear him saying that and I am sure that Maura doesn't know that either. "Did you tell Mom **that**?"

"I don't want to make her cry." He almost whispers. "She cried a lot, you know. Sometimes she still do."

I stick out my bottom lip and have to swallow down the lump in my throat. I don't want to pump my son for information, that's why I bite the question back why my ex-wife's crying. "Maybe she needs a hug then."

"From you." He replies and looks expectantly at me. "Can't you come home and make Mom feel better, Ma?"

Oh, I wish that some things would be simple as that. Coming back home to the person you love more than your own life, that them in your arms and kiss all of their sorrow away. I am the reason that caused Maura's pain, **I** was the one who ended our marriage and turned my back on my family. I … I thought it would be best for each of us because panic started to get the best of me all of a sudden. I started to become reckless again cuz getting hurt brought me pain that I was longing for to feel alive again. I was emotionally drained and I had the crazy thought that I'd need a change. I felt the need to be free again and that meant leaving those I love behind. Now, I regret it.

I did exactly the same my father did with the difference that my brothers and I had been adults as he left our mother, and even we couldn't understand what went wrong. I can imagine that it's inexplicable for small children. "Let's talk about it tomorrow." I propose because I see that his eyelids are getting heavy and he nods approvingly. I smile broadly and kiss his head on last time. "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite."

Nick rolls on his left side as I get up from his bed and tugs his hands under his pillow. "Night, Ma."

"Night, buddy." I reply and switch the big light off as I leave his room, leaving the door ajar. I take a deep breath as I walk down the hallway and run an hand through my hair. I except the bottle of beer that Frankie's handing me and sit down at the kitchen counter. "Thanks." I mutter and take a good swig from the bottle.

"How long are Haley and Nick staying," he asks and opens a bottle for himself.

"The whole week." I answer and roll the bottle between my hands. "Did you know that Andy moved in with Maura?"

Frankie chokes on his beer and his eyebrows shoot up high. "What?"

"She told me yesterday when I met with her in Boston Common. He moved in last week."

"I thought she was about to break up with him."

"Apparently she isn't." I reply and a bunch of scenarios are coming to my mind why Andy is moving in with Maura, and the worst of them is making me shuddering. Maura isn't … is she? "Oh God." I groan and bury my face in my hands.

"What's wrong," Frankie asks and I peak through my fingers. I think that answered his question because he makes a gagging sound. "Don't tell me that this prick knocked her up."

"How the hell should I know that, Frankie," I snap at him and nearly jump up to my feet. I don't want to think about Andy putting his hands on my … on Maura. Just because he is a doctor it doesn't mean that he's good enough for her. Even her parents and Hope don't like him, but all of them know better than to say about the relationship. The thought of Maura carrying his child makes me want to throw up.

"You didn't even know that Maura was pregnant with Nick." My brother shoots back with a frown. "And you hold her hand through the whole procedure."

"Shut up," I hiss but have to smile a little. It's true, though. I almost went out like a light when Maura told me that the procedure was a success and that she was pregnant with our first child.

He chuckles and shrugs. "It's still true." He pauses and shakes his head. "I don't get what Maura's seeing in this guy."

"Me neither." I grumble and lift the lid of the pizza box, but then cast away the idea of eating the rest of the pizza. "He wants Haley and Nick to call him daddy."

"Are you serious?" Frankie asks and stares at me like grow a second head. "Does Maura know about that?"

I take a sip of my beer and shake my head. "No. No, she doesn't know about it. Nick told me as I put him to bed, but when Maura's pregnant it would explain why he wants our kids to do so."

"Would it be okay for you if she's pregnant?" He asks me and sighs.

I snort and furrow my brows. I do have to be okay with that if I like it or not. "Do I have another choice, Frankie. I mean, I wanted her to move on and just because she got into a relationship with the first available ass, I would never hate a innocent child."

"I know," he admits and takes a deep breath. "I don't think that Nick or Haley are okay with Andy. You should talk about it with Maura."

I should talk about a lot of things with her, but my brother's right. I have to talk with her about Andy's request. "I will tomorrow." I state and empty the bottle.

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I take deep breath and nod at Susie as I make my way through the Forensic department. It's always strange who Maura's employees are looking at me when I come down, like they're expecting us to fight about something. I roll my eyes and knock lightly at the door frame before I enter my ex-wife's office. "Hey there."

Maura looks up from her laptop and smiles at me. "Jane. I am about to finish my report."

I purse my lips and sit down on the small couch. I'm not here for the autopsy report of the man who obviously got shot because of drugs. I am here to talk about our children and the idiot who calls himself her boyfriend. "I'm not here because of your report, Maura."

"Oh," she says and gets up from her chair, closing the office door. Apparently she thinks that we are going to have a disagreement. "What are we going to talk about?"

"Andy."

"Andrew."

"Whatever." I state and prop my elbows up on my knees and she rolls her eyes. "I think the kids don't get along with him."

She looks long at me and then she scoffs. "The children or you, Jane?"

I frown deeply and blink a couple of times. "This has nothing to do with me, Maura. Nick asked me if And .. rew is his biological father and as I asked him why he said it, Nick told me that Andy wants him to call him daddy." I say and can see that Maura's looking horrified at me. "Look, I know it's none of my business but is there something you wanna tell me?"

She crosses her arms over her chest and her whole body language is changing. "Like what?"

I pull the corners of my mouth downward and shrug. "I don't know. That you are pregnant maybe."

"You're right, it's none of your business."

"Are you -"

"Pregnant?" Maura finishes my question as I trail off and I nod. "No, Jane, I am not pregnant. And even I would be, it wouldn't change my feelings for our children. I carried and gave birth to them. Are you really doubting -"

"Maura, I doubt nothing." I cut in before she can finish that thought and get up to my feet. "I know that you love Nick and Haley above all else, and that you'd throw yourself into the line of fire before they'd get hurt, all right. It's just … Why does Andy -"

"Stop right there." Maura cuts me off and raises an hand, and I do so because I catch her hard eyes. "Since you know that I am dating Andrew , you try to sabotage our relationship."

My jaw drops to the floor and think that I must have heard wrong, because I think my ex-wife accused me of sabotaging her new relationship. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Jane." She says and licks her lips.

Okay, she wants a fight? She'll get a fight. "Why should I sabotage **your** relationship?"

"I don't know. Maybe you didn't get over me." Maura suggests and drops her arms to her sides."

"I was the one who told you to move on." I reply and can't help the cynical laugh that slips from my throat.

"And I should thank you for that," Maura asks and her voice is raising. Tears are springing to her eyes. "We had a life together, Jane, and you ended it. Day in and day out, I have to face you at work and have to pretend that everything is fine. How am I supposed to get over you?"

"Do you want me to ask for a transfer?" I ask louder and furrow my brows. "Because that's what I'm doing if it's helping you. I can move to the other side of the country."

"And leave our children completely," she asks back and a tear off her cheek. "When are you starting to understand that your decisions are not only affecting our lives, Jane? How should I explain Nick and Haley that you left Boston just because you wanted to make things easier for me? They need you and they love you, and I don't want you to miss anything that contain their life."

I stare at her and wait for gird _You miss a lot of important moment in their lives already_ but it doesn't come. I have to force my own tears back 'cause I can tell that there are more unspoken things lingering in the room. I want to go to her a engulf her in a tight hug and never ever let go of her. I am such a idiot. Why did I let go of her in the first place? Just because I suddenly panicked and everything seemed to become too much for me? I mean, we weren't teenagers who didn't know what we're doing when we got married and started a family together. I left her because I had a kind of midlife crises and thought that I need my freedom. Buying a bike or going out a lot would have done the same and give me the time alone that I need sometimes. Hurting Maura so much, it kills me. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Jane." She whispers and turns away from me.

"I don't know what else to say."

"Then you should leave."

I consider that option and decide that I won't to that. What does Maura want me to say? That I still love her and that I want to come back home? Maybe I should just say that and see how she'll react. "Maura, I -" Her phone cuts me off and I want to throw it somewhere so she can't answer it. I watch her as she talks to the caller and take a deep breath. She ends the call and stands only inches away from me. I hold my breath and have to force myself to keep my eyes open as soon as she starts to caress my cheek with her hand.

Maura opens her mouth to say something, but then she's rushing out of the room.

I look after her and swallow hard. "I still love you unconditionally." I whisper and a sob escapes from my throat. Saying it out loud doesn't make it any easier.


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, thank you, guys. I am really happy that you support me in this. As you may noticed, I try to keep this story up to date because I have many ideas for this story, and yes it's going to end with Jane and Maura being back together, but it's going to take some time. As in real life, there will be ups and downs. And to ask a other question. No, this story won't be only angst, there is going to be some fluff, promise.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well and that you'll tell me what you think.**

 **T73.**

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I look at the TV and frown as a tiny bare feet in front of my nose. My kids and I have built a fort in my living room after I came home from work, made dinner and bathed both of them. Right now we are watching The Lion King and I swear I can sing along with every single song. I saw it a million times, not just because of Nick and Haley, secretly it's one of my favorites.

I exactly can tell to whom that foot belongs because of the birthmark on the ball of the said foot and I start to run my index finger p and down the sole until its toes starts to curl and until I hear a girly giggle.

Haley's head pops up at my own feet now and she tugs her legs in. "Mama."

"Wha-at," I ask with the same dramatic tone than hers.

"Stop!"

"Hey, you stick your smelly feet under my nose." I reply and sit up. "You're the one who has to stop."

"I don't have smelly feet." She replies with a pout and I arch an eyebrow.

Nick groans and turns on his back just to pinch his sister in the side.

"Nick." I warn him but Haley's already throwing herself at him and I am afraid that they get into a serious fight. That would be the icing on the cake, taking both of my children to the ER after they tried to cleave each others head open. Maura would love that. But it turns out that my worries are unfounded as my son starts to tickle Haley side and I have to smile as she tries to defense herself with a pillow. "Give your sister the chance to breath." I tell Nick and take a swig of my soda. Maura and I made it a habit not to drink alcohol in front of the kids, with the exception of dinner. Then we always had a beer or a glass of wine.

"Mama, what is love?" Haley asks all of a sudden and sits up.

I almost spit the soda in my mouth across the room and frown deeply. "Love?"

"Yeah."

I blink a couple of times and wish that I'd have the omnisciently brain of Maura. "Love is an emotion that you are feeling when you truly care about someone. You do anything to make the person that you love happy. I do anything to make you guys happy because I love you."

"Do you love Mom?" Nick asks and his expression is curious.

I hold his gaze and furrow my brows. "I love your Mom very, very much, Nick."

Haley is crawling up to me to look me straight in the eye. "Do you love Mommy the way you love us?"

I have to bite back a laugh as I look into the hazel eyes that she got from her mother and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Note to myself: Don't have children with a genius. Would I give my kids back? No frigging way! I have no idea how to explain the difference of motherly love and the love of two adult persons, I thought that I'd have more time left to go. "I love Mom as much as I love you, but when two adults love each other then they have other ways to express their feelings. They kiss on their lips."

"And buy presents." She toss in.

"Yes," I say laughingly.

"Chocolate."

"For example."

"Or pizza." Nick adds with a smile on his lips as he sits up.

"Rather less." I have to laugh and ruffle his hair. "Unless you have lunch or dinner."

"Cookies?"

"Yes, cookie monster." I say and laugh as his eyes light up because he really loves cookies, I don't know where he got that from. I suspe -

"Vanilla ice cream." Haley brings me out of my train of thoughts and I splutter. Oh, boy, our kids do have a sweet tooth.

"Rather less, sweetie." I say and smile at her. "Ice cream melts."

"Yum."

"Yuck." Nick replies and scrunch his nose up

"What are you bringing Mommy when you come home?"

I don't have to think twice about the answer and smile dreamily. "Fudge clusters. Lots and lots of fudge clusters."

Haley starts to play with my curls and frowns. "When are you coming home?"

I sigh heavily and reach out for Nick, running an hand down his arm. "It's not that easy, Haley. I did a lot of things wrong."

"But you love us." She retorts and frowns.

I run my hand over her hair and smile as Nick lies down close to me and places his head over my heart. "I love you and your brother to the moon and back , baby."

Haley lays down and frowns. "Can Mommy come here?"

I hesitate for a second and glance at my phone that is laying on the coffee table that we pushed to the side. "Haley, can you give me my phone, please."

She doesn't need a second and I have the device in my hand.

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I lay flat on my back and stare up at the ceiling, enjoying the moment. My children are curled up against us and fast asleep, and the woman I love is laying right beside me. I know that it is just a pretense for Haley and Nick but it still feels good.

I was surprised that Maura replied my text message almost instantly and that it read that she'd love to come by and share her evening with us. More or less I had to wrestle her down after she arrived and saw that we digged ourselves in. But why am I complaining? I'm around the three persons who means the world to me, I have no reasons to complain.

Anyway, my body tense up as Maura slips an hand under my shirt and I look down at her. I smile at her tell that it is okay as she is about to remove her hand from my bare stomach. I can see in her eyes that she needs the connection too. I look back down at her and the fingers of my left hand have a life of their own as they brush Maura's cheek. My heart skips a beat as she doesn't brush them off, instead her eyes flutter shut and I wonder if she and her boyfriend ever exchange affection, or … No, I don't wanna go there right now. I am brought back out of my thoughts as Maura intertwine our fingers and look once again at her. My heart stops dead when I see the look in her eyes and my lungs don't know anymore how to work, that's why I stop breathing at all. I sate this kind of look more than once and it always took my breath away in the past. The voice in the back of my mind is yelling at me to stop it right here and right now and to get some distance between us, but the other voice, the small nagging one is gaining the upper hand. The voice that tells you to touch the burning candle though you know that it's going to burn you.

I am well aware of the fact that if we are going to cross that line tonight, it won't do any good. I am aware that it would only complicate things and that it would mean that Maura is cheating on Andy with me, and I don't even know if this would be only a one-night stand, but I don't give a damn about those things right now. I can deal with the consequences in the morning. Right now, I crave for Maura's kiss, her touch and against her body against mine.

I turn on my right side and prop myself up on my elbow. I search her face and frown slightly. I need to know that she understands what is about to happen and that she wants it too. If I see the slightest hint of insecurity I am not making a move on her but I don't see signs of hesitation.

Maura holds my gaze and starts to trail my jaw with her fingers, and then my bottom lip. It's something she has done in the past, when it was still just the two of us.

I bend my head a little and hear a faint moan as I brush her lips for the very first time since a while. It is a sound that always spurs me and I press my lips to hers without any hesitation. My hears starts to speed as she kisses me back immediately and I don't have a clue how but I am hovering over her and have to back a growl as she drags her nails over my back.

Either of us is panting as I pull away and I see that she has the same thought then me.

"Lets get these guys to bed and lets take this to the bedroom." She whispers and I look at sleeping Nick and Haley.

"Yes, we don't want them to wake up and see us doing things that are not meant for their eyes." I whisper back but doesn't make a move to get up to my feet.

She tilts her head to the side as soon as I pay a little attention to her neck and smile to myself as she starts to squirm a little underneath me.

"Jane." She whispers and gasps. "Jane, the kids."

My head shoots up and frown. Right, we are still in the living room and the kids could wake up if we get a little louder and that's something neither of us wants to happen.

Neither Haley nor Nick stirred a little bit as Maura and I carry them to their rooms and tuck them up, and it's really something that surprise us because normally they'd start to grouch and trying to convince us that they're not tired which we wouldn't believe because they would do it with closed eyes.

We head straight to my bedroom after we kissed either of them good night and got rid of our clothes as soon as the door fell shut behind us.

I am hovering again over Maura's naked body and suddenly feel very nervous. I never have taken a woman to my apartment or to my bedroom since I moved in here. It's not like I lived a life of sexual abstinence since Maura and I separated, but the sex with other women never meant anything to me since then. That's why we spent the night at their place or a motel.

Maura runs her hands over my shoulders and looks me deep in the eye. "Jane, why are you shaking?"

I haven't noticed that and hunch my shoulders. "I would be in idiot if I'm not excited for being with you, Maura." I reply and arch an eyebrow.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes but then she turns serious and pulls my head down.

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My eyes shoot open as birds' twittering reach my ears and groan because the sun that is filling my bedroom is blinding me. I try to shield my eyes until they got adjusted to the brightness. The pictures of last night's events are floating back to my mind and I am not really sure if they are real or not. I lift the sheet off my body and groan even louder as I stare down at my naked body. Well, that would explain why neither Haley nor Nick invaded my room by no. I doubt that my ex-wife sneak out of the apartment with the knowledge that our children are here too. I take a look at my alarm clock and am more than sure that Maura's still around because at 9am normally they are full of beans. I sigh and run my hands over my face, now I start to regret that Maura and I had sex last night. Not because it was bad, on the contrary, it was mind-blowing, like in the beginning of our relationship, but Maura is in a relationship and I made her cheating. I know, I know, it always take two for that but still.

I get out of my bed and head to towards the ensuite bathroom to take a quick shower before I join my family for breakfast.

After I did so and got dressed in sweats and a black shirt. I have to smile when I see Nick and Haley sitting at the small dining table and that they are shoving pancakes into their mouth. "Morning." I say and they turn their heads to beam at me.

Maura's standing behind the kitchen counter and avoid eye contact with me, licking her lips. "Good morning, Jane."

Yeah, that's what I've been expecting, the awkwardness the morning after. I take a deep breath and get myself a cup from the cupboard so I can have my first caffeine boost of the day. "How have you guys been sleeping?"

"Great." Haley answers and Nick's nodding his head because he can't speak right now.

I clear my throat and pour myself a cup of coffee. "And how did you sleep, Maura."

A blush is creeping up her cheeks and she shoves a plate with pancakes to me. "I slept fine."

I nod slowly and grab my plate to carry it over to the dining table. I sip the coffee and look at my daughter and my son. "What do you guys wanna do today?"

"You don't have to work today," Maura asks and she sounds a little surprised.

I shake my head and furrow my brows. "No, I asked Cavanaugh if I can take the rest of the week off after … I was in Forensics. Apparently I have enough overtime to take the whole month off, and the next month."

Haley's eyes light up as she looks at me. "Really?"

I nod slowly and swallow my first bite. "Yes, really."

"Can we go to the fair?"

"Sure."

Nick turns in his chair to look at Maura. "Are you coming with us, Mom?"

I can see sadness flicker in her eyes and she takes the coffee decanter into her hand, pouring herself a cup. "I'm afraid I can't, sweetie. I have to work a little bit today."

It breaks my heart to see the disappointed looks of my kids and can see that Maura want to be anywhere but here. I get up from the chair and walk over to her, placing an hand on the small of her back and she tense up. "Come on, sit with us, at least for breakfast."

"Jane." She says low and presses her lips together.

Why am I suddenly feeling like I forced Maura to sleep with me, and why is she giving me that feeling? "Why are you acting like this?" I whispers and a deep frown crawls up on my forehead.

She still doesn't look at me. "I don't know what you mean."

"You act like I forced you to sleep with me last night." I hiss and have to keep my temper in check. "I didn't shave a gun in your chest and said _Sleep with me or I'll pull the trigger_."

Her eyes find mine and I swear, if looks could kill, I would drop dead. "What happened last night won't happen again. I am in a relationship, Jane."

"So, when you came here you left your oh so great relationship to get tucked by me?" I growl low and forget the presence of Haley and Nick. "Because you didn't moan his name in my bed." And how she moaned. It was almost too loud so I had to silence her with a kiss. I don't know why I have to ruin one of the best moments in my life since a while, but her behavior angers me and his name is my bête noire. Just shutting up would be the best option now, but not in my world and not when it comes to Maura. I perhaps would accept the fact that she moved on if she'd chose a person who is not so self-centered and such an dickhead, and who really cares about her. Maybe then it would be easier to finally let go of her.

Her hand is twitching and I prepare for the searing pain in my cheek. She closes her eyes and scowl at me. "Could you please keep your voice down."

Her voice brings me back to the now and here and I look at Nick and Haley, who became unusually quiet, something they do when they have to witness us arguing. Damn it, I was hoping that they don't have to see this anymore. I close my eyes and trail my fingers over a brow. "Look, I care about you, Maura."

She turns to me and her face is unreadable and her voice raises, "Really? You care about me? Is that why you packed you thinks all of a sudden and walked out on us? Is that your way to show us how much you care? As we became a couple you said, no you **promised** me, that you would always be there and that you would never let me down. You also promised that Nick and Haley, but you became a weekend mother. **You** left us for no reason, Jane. Not you had to explain why their Mama isn't coming home anymore or why our kids have to live at two different places, of why we can't all the funny things that they have been doing with you when they stayed here." She pauses and start to shake her head. "Jane, I was waiting for you. I was hoping that you'll come back to your senses and explain why you left. Obviously I was wrong."

I don't know why but my body refuses to move and my brain tells me to drop the subject, but if you know me. That's not my style. "I tried to protect you." I blurt out and my eyes are huge. I can see that Nick and Haley are turning their heads to us .

"Protect us from what," Maura asks and her expression is confused. "There was no threat, Jane. We were safe, we were okay."

I have to blink a couple of times and frown deeply. "Every time I thought that everything is fine or perfect, something happened, Maura." I reply and clench my fists. You almost got … You got hurt by Hoyt because of me, Maura. And then there was Dennis and then the incident when you got arrested and kidnapped. And every time I almost lost you."

"But you made it in time to help me, to save me." Maura replies and her voice is soft.

I know that I had pipe dreams as I got to know that she and I really were about to start a family. I saw threats everywhere and I think that was the time when panic started to flood my body, but back then I still had my reactions under control. _Paranoia_ , I think to myself and swallow hard. So many people had been after my blood since I became a Homicide detective. Well, I pissed a lot of people off and I would react the same way, but I never let my private life affect my work … until now. "By a hair's breadth, Maura. I don't know what I would do if anything happens to you, Nick or Haley because of me."

She looks long at me and starts to shake your head. "And because of all of your benevolence you lost me at all." She says and turns away to walk over to the table and kiss our children goodbye.

I close my eyes and let my head hang down until I hear the door opening and closing. I let Maura's words sink in and realize that she isn't wrong. I take a deep breath and roll my eyes as I look up and see that the pancakes on my plate are gone. I know that Nick is innocent and tickle my daughter's side as I sit back down. I sigh as she only smiles at me and doesn't laugh her head off and sip my lukewarm coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

I am surprised that Ma found the time to go with us to the fair and that she doesn't let slip any snarky comment about me and Maura. I can feel her eyes on me when we are alone and I got to bite back a growl by stuffing a bit off Nick's blue cotton candy into my mouth.

"Hey," he whines and glares up at me.

I hear my mother chuckle and I have to smile myself because of his reaction. Haley is the one who always name the trees, flowers and birds. I think that's something she got from Maura because Haley's eyes are just as excited like Maura's when she is explaining something to us.

"Maura left the house in a hurry last night after she got a call." Ma says all of a sudden and I tense up. "Did you catch a new chase?"

I decide to avert her eyes and shake my head. "No, we didn't. And even though we did, you should know by now that I can't talk about ongoing cases to anyone."

"I am not anyone, Jane." Ma retorts and slows her steps. "I am your mother."

I can't suppress the urge to roll my eyes and furrow my brows. "You know what I mean, Ma. And of course you are not anyone."

Ma smiles up at me and places her sunglasses on Haley's nose because she whines that she left hers in the car and that the sun is blinding her. "Well, it must've been an emergency, because she, Andy and I were about to have a late dinner. Is Constance okay?"

"As far as I know," I grumble and steal another piece from my son's cotton candy. I catch his look and ruffle his hair. "Relax, I buy you a new one."

"Maura would not approve that." My mother says but is smiling.

"Maura is not here." I reply emphatically and sigh. I know why she is mention my ex-wife all the time. She is trying to figure out if I know where Maura went last night. Well, I do know it, but that doesn't mean that needs to know too. "Can we talk about something else?"

"No." She shoots back and has a final tone in her voice.

I blink a couple of times and heave a sigh. After I screwed once again up this morning I just want to distract me with a nice afternoon with the rest of my family. When I am alone I can deal with how much I hurt Maura once again this morning.

"Jane, what's wrong," Ma asks and I can feel that she is staring at me.

I have to swallow down the lump in my throat and shake my head. If I tell her that Maura and I end up in bed last night and that we fought this morning, she'll be really mad at me. I frown when I have a small hand in my own and look into inquisitive hazel eyes. I force the upcoming tears back because I have to be strong for either of my kids now, I can let my tears flow when they are in bed later. I smile down at her and sigh once again.

"Mommy makes breakfast for us tomorrow too." Haley asks and I clenched my teeth as I see the hope in her eyes.

God damn it, what have we done? What have we been thinking? Of course Nick and Haley would get high hopes and then we destroyed them once more as we started to fight and Maura hurried out. I can feel that my mother questioningly eyes are glued to my head and I am sure that she is going to ask all kind of questions. "No," I answer and the hope in Haley's eyes vanish. "No, I'm afraid not, Haley."

Her chin starts to quiver and Nick let his head hang and I hate myself for shattering their hopes. I scoop her up in my arms and start to rub her back as she buries her face in the crook of my neck. "I know, honey." I whisper and warn Ma with my eyes as she is about to open her mouth. "I know, Haley, and I am so sorry." I glare at Ma and know that the day at the fair is over because Nick also has tears in his eyes and doesn't seem to be in the mood to be here for any longer.

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I sit down at the kitchen counter after I asked my neighbor Celia Juarez if it would be okay if Haley and Nick spend some time with her own children. She is a single mother too and agreed to that without thinking about it twice. I did so because I am sure that Ma's going to yell at me and perhaps using some words that are not meant to be heard by a four-year old and a seven-year old. I take a deep breath as she shoves a cup of tea towards me and avert her eyes. "Thank you." I almost whisper.

She gives me a moment before she asks, "So, Maura spent the night here?"

I lick my lips and nod slowly. She didn't just spend the night here, she spent the night in my bed. "Yeah."

"And why did you pretend that you don't know where Maura went to?"

"Because …. I don't know."

Ma is pours silently hot water into her mug and seems to consider how to broach the subject. "Happened more than just a sleepover?"

I purse my lips and hate that she can read me like an open book. Only two person can do that: Maura and Ma.

"Oh, Jane." Ma groans and throws her hands up over her head as I don't answer her question.

My eyes shoot up to hers and I frown a little. What the hell? I haven't said a word yet and she seems to know already that more happened last night than just wishing good night and laying in separated rooms. I think that my face is as bright as a fire truck because she places an hand on my arm. "It wasn't planned, Ma. We were laying in front of the TV and Haley and Nick were sleeping next to us and -"

"Please tell me that nothing happened while the two of you were in the same room with my grandchildren." Ma cuts me off.

"What," I ask with an high-pitched voice and swallow hard. "Well, not much happened. I mean, Maura and I didn't have had sex while Nick and Haley laid next to us. We kissed, that's all."

"Maybe one of them caught you doing so." Ma objects and raises her brows.

"Nah, they were dead to the world." I state and sip the tea, running an hand through my hair.

"Like you never pretended to be fast asleep when you was a child." She shoot back and quirks an eyebrow .

I freeze as I am about to put the mug to my lips and blink a couple of times. My mother is right, not only once I pretended to be asleep as a child, especially when I didn't want to much attention from my family. "However," I say and clear my throat. "Maura made breakfast for the kids and when I got up she didn't look at me and acted like I forced myself on her and I lost my temper."

"You fought."

"Yeah."

She is silent for a couple of seconds and sighs. "Why did you sleep with Maura even though you know that she is in a relationship?"

"Why am I the bad guy in all of this," I growl and I can feel the anger bubble in the pit of my stomach. "I mean, I didn't force her to sleep with me or to cheat on Andy. She made this decision as well, I always -"

"She still loves you, Jane." Ma cuts me off and my mouth hangs open. "Maura is still in love with you."

"Bullshit," I mumble into my mug. "If she'd still in love me why being with such a knucklehead like Andy."

"Because she was sick of sitting alone at home and cry every single night, Jane." She replies and I start to chew nod the inside of my cheek. "She was waiting for you over a year and hoped that you would come back to senses and see that you see that your family needs you. Maura would've welcome you with open arms, but with time she realized that you probably won't come home anymore and then she started to date Andrew."

I don't know what I should think about it and am silent for now. I am glad that I asked Celia to look after my kids for now because I can't hold my tears back now. My shoulders start to shake and I let my head hang down so I can use my hair to shield my face. It wouldn't be the first time that my mother sees my crying and I am sure that it won't be the last time, but right now I don't want to hear comfortable words or feel soothing touches of Ma. I created this mess and I don't deserve those things, I don't want to feel this kind of pain but I deserve it. It doesn't matter what I want and what I don't want. Perhaps that's why Maura was so aloof this morning, perhaps when I came into my kitchen she was dealing with the whole situation herself and I, the clumsy oaf, once again ruined everything because I misinterpreted Maura's behavior.

You should think that I know Maura Isles better than myself, and once it was right. I knew her better than myself, but this time seems to be long gone.

"You still love her too, don't you," Ma asks now and rounds the corner.

I see the movement in the corner of my eye and jump up from the chair, wiping angrily my face. "Of course I still love Maura, Ma."

"So why did you leave her?" She asks and steps closer.

I wipe my nose with the back of the hand and place it on my hip. "Because … because I didn't want to drag Maura and the kids into the abyss I was facing in that time." I say and know that I have to explain a lot of things to a lot of people, most likely to myself too. I don't even know where to start. I clap my hand over my mouth and close my eyes and hate the tear that's rolling down my cheek without my permission. "I saw too many times what people can do to each other, Ma. And sometimes … and sometimes I am thinking that neither Maura nor me knew what we do as we decided to start a family. That it was a mistake that we got married."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because Maura, Haley and Nick are my Achilles' heel, Ma." I say a little louder and start to worry my bottom lip. "Most of the times I had a close shave because I was able to put all my feelings into a little box. No, I stuffed them into a box and looked it away, that's why I was able to put that mask on."

"You mean your protective walls." Ma retorts and leans against the counter. She waits so I can chose my words wisely.

"Every time a child end up dead on one of Maura's table, Ma, I see Nick's or Haley's face." I say feebly and I have to force my lungs to draw in some air. Saying those thoughts out loud make them all to real. "I wouldn't survive it if something happens to them because of me."

Ma nods slowly and let the words sink in before she opens her mouth again, "So, you rather hurt and leave Maura and your kids before someone's after their blood because of you?"

I nod slowly and am about to say something as my mother smack the back of my head. I didn't noticed that she came closer to me and wince surprised. "Hey! What was that for?"

"For you being an idiot." Ma says louder and is about to repeat her action, but I duck away just in time. "Did the thought ever cross you mind that whoever wants to get to you is going after Maura, Haley or Nick? This person isn't going to care about your family status. Your Family might is your Achilles' heel, but in the same time they are your greatest strength, Janie." She holds up an hand when I am about to protest. "All these things you did for Maura, I mean before the two of you stared to date. You did those things because you already loved Maura back then without knowing. Perhaps you didn't see the two of you as future lovers but you cared a lot about her and tried to keep her save and you always succeeded. You always have been on time to save her and bring her back home, and she did the same for you. As far as I know, neither of you would rest until you are back home in one piece." She steps into my personal space and tap with the tip of her fingers against the spot over my heart. "Do you know hey you are working so well together," she asks and I shake my head a little, not trusting my voice. "Because you may think that you are different in so many ways, but you are not different at all. Either of you have the biggest and kindest hearts a human being can have." Ma smiles as she sees my skeptical look. "You have. Either of you put others lives before their own, Jane, and don't you dare arguing with me about that. All too often have I been sitting at home and worried about how the two of you are doing."

I chuckle and wiggle my brows. "Okay, I won't."

"Good." She says with a smile and takes a deep breath. "Go on a picnic with Maura and the kids."

I roll my eyes and take my mug to the sink. "One picnic won't fix anything."

She starts to search my cabinets for something that is stronger than tea or beer. "No, it won't, baby. But it will show Maura that you still care about her and when you feel the need to push her away again, swallow your pride, for the sake of Nick and Haley."

I open the cabinet next to the exhaust hood and take a bottle of whisky out of it. "Nick and Haley can handle the situation very well."

"That's why they always ask me why you and Mommy can't be together." Ma counter and I stop dead in my tracks.

"What?" I croak.

She fills the glass with two fingers of the liquid and hands me one. "They might seem to be little but they notice what is going on, they understand what's going on."

"We don't sway them, Ma."

"That's what you think, Jane."

"What do you mean?"

My mother takes a swig of her drink and sighs. "Jane, how long did it take for you and Frankie to take a side after your father left me?"

"Dad left you for no reason, he left you because of a damn midlife cri -" I say low and trail off and lower my eyebrows. "You can't compare that with Maura and me. I am no plumber and I never said things to my children that I can't take back while I was drunk. They don't have to take a side, just like you."

Ma sighs now and frowns. "Does Nick and Haley know that?"

"Of course they do."

"And why is Nick and Haley sad when I bring you up at Maura's?"

I can't come up with an answer right away and frown a little. I know that a separation of parents always wrecked children, especially when they're too young to understand what is really going on.

My mother shrugs and empties her glass. "Maybe you should go and talk to Maura."

"And what am I supposed to tell her, if she's going to talk to me ever again?" I ask her and refill my own glass.

She's looking long at me and purse her lips for a moment. "The naked truth. Why everything went down the drain. And maybe Maura will understand why you did what you did."

"Or she'll bring me to a psych ward." I grumble.

Now, she glares at me and swats my arm. "You have to talk to Maura, Jane. Your father and I talked a lot, but we never really **talked**. You and Maura are meant for each other, Jane. Ask her to have a thorough talk and if she is willed to give you another chance."

I choke on my drink and furrow my brows. "Ma, Maura gave me more than once another chance. I'm sure that she's sick of it."

"You won't if you don't go and talk to her." Ma replies and grabs the bottle from my hand that I didn't know I was still holding. "Do you really want to watch how Maura gets herself completely unhappy and eventually get married to Andy?"

I have to smile a little and take a deep breath. I start to roll the glass between my hands, but as my brain starts to understand what my mother just said and my mouth drops open. "What? Is he going to pop the question?"

Ma turns the corners of her mouth downward and shrugs. "I'm sure he will at some point."

I clench my teeth and swallow down the lump in my throat. The thought of Maura accepting this guy in her life is already a lot to take, but thinking of him popping the question makes me really sick. "I'll try to talk to her."

"Not tonight," she replies and wiggles her brows. "I know that Maura has a day off tomorrow and Andy won't be there. I can watch my grandkids for a couple of hours."

I roll my eyes but smile, taking a sip of my drink. "Thanks, Ma." I say and my smile drops at the thought that I am probably the last person to whom Maura currently wants to talk to. I down the liquid and refill the glass one last time. I do feel like get tight tonight, but I know that my children are waiting for me at my neighbor's apartment and I don't want them to see me in a drunken state. I huff and shake my head before I down my last drink of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

I take a deep breath and lift my hand to knock on the front door that belongs to the house I once called home, but I stop mid-motion and clench my teeth, how far did it get that I am standing here and don't know if I should knock or simply walk in, or turn on my heels and leave before I make a fool out of myself. I lick my lips and make myself knock, not sure if Maura is at home. I still remember that she made me go on a shopping spree when we had the same day off and I hated it. If I would have know what the future was holding for us, I would have cherish every single second. I heave a sigh and knock three times, I'd understand if Maura pretend not to be home even though her car is standing in the driveway. I worry my bottom lip and drop my chin to my chest all of a sudden sadness is coming over me, I become aware that I left all the good things in my life behind me as I walked out of this door. I left all the good things in my life on purpose and now I really start to regret it. I raise my own eyes when the door opens and my heart drops as I look into Maura's eyes which used to be so beautiful, but now they are red and full of sadness. "Hey," I say remorsefully and try to smile but I'm sure that my attempt is nothing more than a grimace.

She sniffles and cross her arms over her chest. "Is everything okay with the children?"

I frown a little and nod approvingly. I didn't expect her to be delighted to see me or that she's throwing her arms around my neck after all the things that happened. "Yes. Yes, they are fine, they are with Ma. Can I … can I come in?"

Her face is unreadable and she doesn't seem to step to the side to let me enter our house … Correction, her house, but after she took a deep breath she opens the door even more and nods. "Of course."

"Thanks," I mutter and step over the threshold. I take a look around and notice that not much has changed since the day I left. I didn't come here often since then, I tried to avoid this place because it holds so many good, just as many bad ones. The only thing that has changed in this house is the smell, Andy is lingering in the air. Well, not himself but the smell of his cheap aftershave lingers in here. "I … want to talk to you about yesterday."

"Talk." Maura demands with a cold tone.

My eyebrows shoot up and I start to wring my hands nervously. "I'm sorry."

"Do you even know for what you're apologizing, Jane?" Maura shoots back and raises her brows as well.

I nods slowly, I deserved this reaction. "I am sorry for the things I said to you yesterday. Or that you felt like you have to sleep with me."

Maura huffs and turn away from me. "Jane, you were right, you didn't force me to have sex with you. And I enjoyed it very much, but not so much the morning after." She says and walks into the kitchen. "I enjoyed the sex but it was wrong."

I nod slowly and sigh heavily. "I know. I know that it was wrong and that I maybe was a little pushy -" I trail off as I see a small smile on her lips.

"You weren't pushy." She says and hunch her shoulders.

"Maybe a little bit."

"Jane -"

I raise my hands to signal that I surrender. "I'm on a peacekeeping mission, Maura." I say and I see her relax. "I don't want to argue, I hate to fight with you." I say and have to force myself to keep my hands off of her as I see that she let her guards down a little. "I hate seeing you so sad, and to know that I'm the cause of it." I pause and hope that she's contradict me, and my heart breaks as she doesn't. "I tried to be civil for the sake of our children, but it gets worse day by day."

"I know." Maura replies and press her lips together for a brief moment. "I thought that it would easier. To hate you for what you did to me and for what you did to our children."

I scoff and wipe my nose with the back off my hand. "Yeah, break ups once were my specialty."

"We didn't just break up, Jane." Maura states and her voice gets a little sharper. "We got divorced, and we have two children. I tried to hate you for putting all of us through this."

I sigh and sit down on one of the chair at the kitchen island. "I know. I know that." I clench my teeth and shake my head. "I hate me for it too, Maura. I mean … we had a great relationship before all of this."

"Are you now regretting to have children with me?"

"What," I ask and recognize her accusing tone. "Hell, no! Nick and Haley are the best things that happened in my life, beside you. But I'm … I'm sick of thinking twice about the things I'm saying to you, Maura. We were great together in the past, and I want us to be that again. Let's start all over again, push the reset button but with the extra we call our children."

"Monsters." Maura adds with a smile.

"Yeah," I agree with a laugh. "Exactly. I want to come here more often to see Haley and Nick, when it's okay with you and Andy."

She opens the fridge and gets two bottles of water out of it. "It doesn't matter if Andrew is okay with it or not. He's no longer in the picture."

I don't know if I should dance a jig or if I should feel bad because of it. I decide to sit down at the counter and furls my brows. "What? Why? What happened?"

Maura is about to open the bottle but lowers it as soon as the words leave my mouth. "Jane, don't pretend that you are sad to hear those news."

I clear my throat so I don't smile like a Cheshire cat and take a swig of my water. "I am not sad about it." I admit and she rolls her eyes. "But I already told you that I care about you. So, what happened?"

Maura takes a deep breath and looks long at me. "You know that I am not really good when it comes to lying."

I nod slowly and chew on the inside of my cheek. "So you told Andy?"

She licks her lips and wiggle her brows as she takes a swig of her water. "He asked me where I have been the whole night and I told him the truth. That I spend the night at your place and somehow he put one and one together, but he said that it would be okay as long as I stay away from you."

I think I must have heard wrong and blink a couple of times. How the hell are we supposed to stay away from each other? Maura is the mother of my children and the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. And as far as I know I am a Homicide Detective who works hand in hand with the ME's office. "And you agreed with that?"

"If I'd agreed with that you wouldn't sit here right now, Jane." She replies and sighs. "Of course I didn't agree with it. How are we supposed to stay away from each other? I mean, we work day in, day out together, it's impossible. And that's what I told him." She pauses for a moment and holds my gaze. "So he demanded that I take a job at a other office so I couldn't see you anymore. In New York, to be exact."

I stare at her like she has lost her mind. Even though I know that she ditched Andy, the thought of her moving to a other city with the kids breaks my heart. I have to swallow hard and clench my teeth. I flinch a little as I feel her hand on my arm.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jane." Maura says with a light frown. "Though you are a -"

"Ass," I say as she trails off.

"Complicated sometimes." She offers with a smile and I scoff. "I could never take Nick and Haley away from you, Jane."

I sigh relieved and furrow my brows. "It sounds like Andy gave you moving with him to New York some serious thought."

"Yes, he did, and it scared me a little bit." Maura admits and sits down on the chair next to me. "Especially because he doesn't have any job offer in New York."

I scoff and start to pick at the lapel of the bottle. Why am I not surprised to hear that? Perhaps I already knew that he's a sponge. He probably thought that picking up a wealthy woman who already has two children would make anything easier, thought he could walk into a ready-made position. Maybe it would've worked with some brainless chick, but not with Maura. I knew exactly who Maura was when we started to date and I didn't gave a damn about her name or money, I still don't give a damn about it. She could be as poor as a church mouse, I still wouldn't care.

Maura starts to chuckle and I look at her. She tilts her head to the side and scrutinize my face. "You are not the only one who didn't like Andrew. My mother asked me what I was seeing in him."

I turn in my seat to face her and am silent for a moment. "And? What was your answer?"

She takes a deep breath and shrugs. "He was there when I needed company the most."

"You really should work on that answer," I chuckle and am about to take a swig from my water, but I turn my head when I hear nothing but silence. I turn my head to look at her and see nothing but pain in her eyes. "Maura, I didn't mean to offend you. I shouldn't have -"

"I wasn't looking for a new relationship." Maura suddenly says and looks at her hands. "I knew Andrew from a medical convention and we stayed in contact, I'm sure I mentioned him once or twice. And after you finally left me I needed someone to talk to. I mean, I didn't know what you told your mother and your brothers and I was afraid that they walked out of my life just like you did. Andrew was there and he was kind and listened to what I had to tell, and then one thing leads to the other. We went out more often and had a good time together, and then -"

I nod slowly and grit my teeth. Maura doesn't need to finish the sentence, I already know what she's going to say. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second. "You were afraid that you'll gonna be alone again."

"Yes. Yes, I was afraid that I lost everything beside Nick and Haley."

"I thought you know that I would never make Ma, Frankie and Tommy choosing between you and I, Maura." I say and get up to my feet, running an hand through my hair. "And neither of them would pick one of ours sides because they see you as family. You are their family, Maura. What kind of human do you think I am?"

"At this time, I didn't know you at all , Jane." Maura says a little louder and I turn to her. "It was like you became a whole different person. I didn't know what was going on. You didn't talk to me anymore, and if you did we end up fighting our disappeared in the middle of the night and didn't come home until the next morning. A million scenarios ran through my mind, Jane. That you perhaps had an affair because you were unhappy or got to know that you are sick and didn't want to burden us with it. It nearly drove me crazy because I had no idea what was going on, not to mention Angela, Frankie or Tommy. We didn't even know if you're going to stay in Boston. You didn't come to work for one week or called Angela during that time. Jane, she was worried sick just like everyone else. Frost even offered to track your phone so we could make sure that you are alright, or at least still breathing." She pauses and gets up from her chair as well. "You maybe think that you end our relationship that night you walked out the front door, but you end it a lot earlier."

I start to shake my head and try to keep my upcoming anger at bay. "I am not here to argue, Maura."

It seems like she needs some time to let the words sink in and shakes her head. "This isn't arguing, Jane. You came here and told me that you want to rekindle our relationship. I don't know if I can go back to the good old days and pretend that nothing of this ever happened"

I almost choke on my own saliva and furrow my eyebrows. "I … I more thought that we try to rebuild our friendship for our own sakes. You know, go once or twice a week and have drinks together, like in old days, with no obligations or high hopes. And if it works out fine, we'll see where we go from there. How … how does that sound?"

Maura looks long at me and seems to struggle with herself and takes a deep breath. "Sounds good to me."

"Okay," I say and can't help the little smile on my lips. "Okay, that's how we do it."

Maura wiggles her brows and walks around the kitchen island. "Oh, did I mention that **your** son wants a puppy as birthday present."

I stop dead and frown. "A puppy?"

"Yup."

"What kind of puppy?"

She grins at me and hunch her shoulders. "You're the detective, it's your job to find out."

I groan and flop back down on my chair. I thought I would get some time to prepare myself for rebuilding our friendship, obviously I was wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for reading, following, favorite and reviewing.**

 **I have absolutely no idea why your reviews are not showing up at FanFiction, I but I know that you left really kind ones.**

 **The breed I mention in this chapter, Japanese Akita, is the kindest and most loyal one I know. I can say that because I do own one since it was a puppy. The Akita with orange-white fur is really cute, if you don't know this breed look it up. If they really trust you, they are your best friend in life. No matter where I'm going at my place, I know my Akita is following me. It sometimes nerve, yeah, but it's also heart-warming. My dog is like a clockwork and waits for me at the door when I am coming from home and he does it only with me.**

 **However, thank you all and enjoy this chapter. Of course you are welcome to tell me what you think, like always.**

 **Thanks again.**

 **T73.**

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It's the first night since a while that I am not beset by nightmares and I welcome the peaceful sleep, I think the talk with Maura is helping me a little bit, but all of a sudden my mattress dips and I feel someone breathing against my cheek. I make a face and fight the urge to open my eyes. I groan when the said person starts to play with my hair and I clench my fists so I don't swat the hand away. I only can of two persons who invaded my room and I won't hurt neither of them.

"Ma," my son's hushed voice makes its way to my brain and I groan louder. "Do you have a puppy?"

"Why would I have a -" I start to protest and turn my head away but then my eyes shoot open. "Why would I have a puppy in my bed?" I ask and look sleepily at Nick. I roll my eyes as he shrugs and stretch my arms over my head. "Is it your birthday already?"

"Yes," he squeals and I think I am deaf.

I rub the sleep from my eyes and frown. "I doubt so, buddy." I whisper and see the look of my daughter who is on my right side. I blink a couple of times and sigh. "Do you want to have a puppy for your birthday too?"

"I wanna have a cat." Haley replies cheerfully and skids up. "Can I have a cat?"

I drop my arms to my sides and stare blankly at her. Seriously? A cat? What happened to my little ones and why do they don't wanna have the same things anymore? I hide my yawn behind my hands and focus at the ceiling to get my still semi-sleeping brain working. "How about I make breakfast for my two little monkeys and then we figure out what we're doing today?"

"Yeah," they exclaim in unison and my eardrums are bursting.

I sit up and kiss both of my kids good morning. "Alright, I'll be out in five minutes."

They jump down from my bed and literally storm out of my room. I roll my eyes and try to figure out what time it is. I look at my alarm clock and my shoulders slump because it reads 6.30am. I get out of my bed and ready for the day. I study my reflection as I brush my teeth and feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I came by at Maura's. That is four days ago now and our family has noticed that something has changed between her and me. Okay, there was a potshot every now and then, but it wasn't something that let the situation escalate. I think it's a good start

I rinse out my mouth and not to myself before I risk my life by feeding of wild beasts that are sitting in my living room. I enter my kitchen and quirk an eyebrow as I see Haley and Nick sitting on the couch and that they are watching TV already. I'm more than sure that they wouldn't do that at their Mom's place. Maura's a great person also a strict mother. Don't get me wrong, it's great, it's really great because I am the one who's spoiling Nick and Haley and I'm not really proud of it. I thought that I'd be the one who has to restrain her when she'd get all too excited about shopping for the kids. It turned out that I was wrong.

I brace myself at the counter and frown a little. For almost one week we are having pancakes for breakfast and I can tell that I can't swallow one bite of it for the next few weeks. "How about we have scrambled eggs this morning?"

"I want pancakes." Nick exclaims without looking at me.

"I want apple."

I stare blankly at the back of their heads and heave a sigh. "Apple?"

Haley turns in her seat and flutter her eyelashes. "Yes, please."

I have to swallow back my laugh and sigh once more. "Honey, apples are a snack and not breakfast."

"I want apple."

"And I want to be a millionaire." I mumble under my breath and open the fridge to get milk out of it. "How about we find a compromise? Cereal for everyone!" I say and my kids throw their arms up over their heads. I roll my eyes and am glad that my proposal is popular. I start to prepare three bowls and take a deep breath. I don't know how Haley and Nick are going to react when I tell them that Andy's not going to be at Maura's when I drop them off later. I carry two bowls over to the couch. "One for my little prince," I say and hand Nick one before I do the same with Haley and both of them smile heart-melting at me. "And one for my little princess."

I get my own bowl and sit down between both of them and click my bowl with those of my children. "Cheers." I say and see Haley rolling her eyes as she shoves a spoon full of food in her mouth. "My mistake. Bon appétite."

We eat for a couple of minutes in silence and I rack my brain how to tell them that some things had changed within that week. "Both of you know that I'm bringing you back to your Mom's house tonight, don't you?"

The room is filled with silence and I have to swallow hard because I'm afraid that are going to make a scene.

"Can't we stay a little longer?" Haley almost whispers and makes a pouty face.

I sigh loudly and look down at her. "I have to go back to work tomorrow, sweetie."

"Why?"

"To earn money."

"Why?"

I scoff and raise my eyebrows high as I hear her brother groaning. "Because you want to have food to eat when you're here, and to go to the theme park, and on trips. Therefore, Mom and I have to work."

"And if we don't want to go back home," Nick asks all of a sudden and I look shocked at him. "Not because of Mom."

"We love Mommy." Haley adds and spreads her arms. "So much. And sometimes she speaks funny."

I have to chuckle because I know what Haley refers to. Sometimes Maura's forgetting that Nick and Haley are only seven and four and shower them with fun facts. Sometimes Ma and I have to remind Maura that they are just small children, but that doesn't make her a bad mother. "And Mommy loves both of you just as much, honey."

"But Andrew is not nice sometimes." Haley mumbles and frowns, and Nick becomes unusually quiet. "Sometimes he yells at us when Mom is away."

I have to be careful right now. Just because I didn't vet along with him it doesn't give me the right to demonize him at all. "Maybe because you did things you weren't supposed to do?"

"We run in the house, Ma." Nick admits and looks at me.

My brows shoot up high as his words hit my ears. It's not like that my kids are angels, they have the ability to grind your gears, even Maura and I yell at them sometimes when they don't listen to us "Well, that's something you are not supposed to do, Nick. Mommy and I told you that more than once. You'd ask Andrew if you can play in the garden, then."

"We did, Ma." Haley whines and squirms in her seat.

"And what did he do?"

"He sent us to our rooms and said that we are in trouble if he hear any noises." Nick answers my question.

I clench my teeth and take a deep breath. I am going to kill him if he said ever crosses my way. "Andrew won't be there if I bring you to Mom, I promise." I say and nod as my children at me with hope in their eyes.

"Really?" Haley whispers.

I nod and a small smile plays on my lips. "Scout's honor." I hear Nick sigh in relief and turn my head in his direction. Something's telling me that he still has more to tell but I'm going to give him a break for now. "So, what do you guys wanna do today?"

"Can we go to the animal shelter," Nick asks with sparkling eyes.

"Yes," Haley squeals and bounce up and down in her seat.

I roll my eyes but smile. "Alright, but we are just taking a look."

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"No," Maura says final and has her arms crossed over her chest. "No, Jane."

I roll my eyes and take a swig from my beer. "Maura, give it a thought. Nick wishes nothing more than this present."

"It is a Akita."

"It's a dog, a puppy to be exact."

"The Akita is generally seen as territorial about its property, and can be reserved with strangers." Maura starts and I have to furls my brows to hide my amused smile. "It is sometimes described as feline in its actions; it is not unusual for an Akita to clean its face after eating, to preen its kennel mate, and to be fastidious in the house." She trails off as I now arch an brow. "And since it is a large, powerful dog, the Akita is not considered a breed for a first time dog owner. And it has been targeted by some countries' breed-specific legislation as a dangerous dog. It's a large, strong, independent and dominant dog."

I scoff and shrug. "Sounds like you've been profiling me right now." I chuckle amused.

Maura opens her mouth to reply something and it seems like she understood what I've been saying. She smirks and slaps my arm.

I clear my throat and straighten up. "Okay, give me a try."

"For what?"

"To throw some fun facts in your face." I answer and she leans with her hip against the kitchen island. I clear my throat once more, dramatically. "A dog with the correct Akita temperament should be accepting of non-threatening strangers, get protective of their family when they're faced with threatening situations. They are usually docile, aloof and calm in new situations. As a breed they should be good with children; it's said that the breed has affinity for children." I can see that she is impressed by my counter. "What? I listened to the animal care attendant."

She rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her wine. "Akitas tend to take a socially dominant role with other dogs, and thus caution must be used in situations when Akitas are likely around other dogs, especially unfamiliar ones. In particular, they tend to be less tolerant of dogs with the same sex. For this reason, Akitas, unless highly socialized, are not generally well-suited for off-lash dog parks."

Oh that was a good one and I have to search for the last thing the guy at the animal shelter told me. "The Akita is said to be careful, courageous, fearless and intelligent."

Maura crosses her arms over her chest and holds my gaze. "Sometimes spontaneous, it needs a confident, consistent handler, without which the dog will be very willful and may become come very aggressive to other dogs and animals."

I blink a couple of times and furrow my brows. "Are we … still talking about the breed?"

"I don't know." She laughs and drops her arms back to her sides and I have to smile.

I get my phone from my jeans and open a picture I've taken at the animal shelter with the my kids and the Japanese Akita puppy. It's been a while since I was able to put such a smile on their lips, and the dog is very cute too. "Maura, take a look at it. Haley and Nick were arguing which pet is cooler the whole way to the shelter, cat or dog. But when they saw this little guy, they agreed that **this one** is the coolest. And look at its black, little nose and the beady eyes."

Maura's struggling with herself to keep a straight face as she takes a look at the pic and sighs. "I have to admit, it is very cute."

"Right," I ask and start to beam.

"And it reminds me a little of you." She adds and I splutter. "Well, except your fur."

I groan and roll my eyes, but she is right. The puppy's fur is orange-white and mine is black. "Thank you very much."

"You're welcome." She shoots back laughingly.

"So it's a yes?"

"And what if it turns out that the Akita does have a bad temper?"

I take a deep breath and shove my phone back into the pocket. "Then we bring it to a dog grooming school and give it a strong hand."

"And if that wouldn't work out," Maura asks and turns serious again. "I don't want to break Nick's and Haley's heart because we have to give the dog away again."

I nod slowly and sip my bear. "If you think that the dog shouldn't be at your house, I'll take it in and look for a bigger apartment. Then they can be with it when we are around." I pause and look straight into her eyes. "Maura, I can't make this decision alone. If you're not feeling comfortable with it we can look for something else."

She takes a deep breath and wiggles her brows. "The puppy is really cute."

"But," I ask cautiously.

"There are so many buts, Jane." She replies and braces herself on the island. "This is exactly the breed Nick is wishing for?"

I nod slowly and walk to the fridge to get me a other beer. "Nick told me that he saw a movie with this dog and that he really like this dog in it. He meant a Akita."

Maura ponders my words and frowns deeply. She starts to nod and has to smile a little. "I think I know what movie he referred to."

"Really," I ask surprised and step closer, hoping that Maura let me in on the secret but it seems like I am wrong once again.

"Yes," she sighs and looks at me. "Okay."

I am a little lost right now. "Okay?"

Maura smiles and nods. "Okay, we get Nick a Akita puppy, but if it makes problems you take it in."

A smile tugs on my lips and clink my bottle with her wine glass. "It sounds like a deal."


	7. Chapter 7

Sometimes I really hate my job, especially when it's my son's birthday and I am stuck at work. It's like criminals have a nose for such important days and think it's the best day to run or to fool me in a interview. Maura has called me a couple of times and asked me if I'm sure that I'll make it to her place before Nick is in bed and I told her a thousand times that I am almost on my way out. I am such a idiot. I shouldn't be working at all, but we got a hot lead in a triple murder and I want nothing more to close it, and to be at Nick's birthday party.

I wanted to strangle our prime suspect as he started to deny everything and tried to deny his involvement, but couldn't explain why we found his DNA at all three bodies even though he claimed that he wasn't in Boston in the night of the murders. Idiot.

I look up at the display of the elevator and a growl rumbles from my chest and I decide to take the stairs because the elevator seems to take forever. I still have to go home, take a shower, get dressed in something else then my work wear and have to catch the still unnamed Akita puppy that thinks it's fun to play hide-and-seek, and have to drive all the way to Beacon Hill during rush hour. I am the best Mom ever. I take two steps at one time and almost stumble over my own feet. I growl once more and focus even more. That would even better. **Hey, kid, come one, let's transfer your birthday party to the hospital because she broke her hips as she tried to rush to Mommy's home**.

As soon as I am sitting in my car my phone goes off as on cue. "I'm in my car and on my way." I say without looking who's the caller. I start the engine and frown when I'm met with silence. "Hello."

"That's all I wanted to hear." Ma replies and chuckles. "How much longer do you need?"

"Uh, thirty?"

"Years?"

I chuckle and start the engine as the phone connects with the Bluetooth. ""Yes, Ma, thirty years. Forty tops. I have to go home shower and grab the dog, then I'm on my way to Maura's."

There is silence again and I know that Ma's consulting with Maura. "We give you an hour."

I smile to myself and am relieved that neither Ma nor Maura is mad at me for my delay. "All right, see you, Ma."

"Dive safely, Jane." Ma says before I end the call and smile even more.

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I am awesome! Give me the chance to blow my own horn for being at Maura's in less then one hour. I stumble through the front door after telling the dog not to chew on the fabric of the car seats, but somehow I have the feeling that he's not going to listen to me. But smiled as he tilted innocently his head. I swear, this little guy also stole my heart the moment I saw him the first time, unfortunately it's not the same dog we saw at the animal shelter, I had to contact a private dog breeder, one of Korsak's acquaintance, because the puppy at the animal shelter was already adopted. Of course I looked Mrs. Norbeck's references up to make sure that she's not some kind of animal abuser who just wants to make profit though I know Korsak would never refer me to such a person. We met the next day and I explained her that my seven-year old son loves this breed and that my wife and I want to give him a s treat at his birthday. Mrs. Norbeck was very understanding as I told her that I can't bring Nick here to chose a puppy himself because then I'd have to buy every single Akita of the brood. She also offered me to give me addresses in the case we'd have problems with raising the dogs which I gratefully accepted.

I gasp as soon as I feel an impact against my legs and almost stumble backwards as soon as I step over the threshold and look down. I smile broadly and scoop Nick up. "There's my little money." I say and he chuckles as I start to tickle his belly.

He giggles and buries his face in my neck. "Mama."

"Happy birthday, Nick." I say with a broad smile and my heart skips a beat. I think that he believed that I'm not going to make it like the previous year. Someone is tugging on my jeans and I scoop Haley up on my other arm, looking puzzled at her. "And who are you?"

"I'm a little monkey too," she answers and starts to make sounds like an ape which makes everyone in the house laugh.

"Yes, you are." I laugh and kiss her cheek. I set both of my children down and greet Tommy, Frankie, Frost and Ma. I smile at Maura and wiggle my eyebrows. "Korsak's going to run a little late."

"As long as you are here," she says and I can see that relief washes over her face. "Did you get everything you need?"

"Almost," I reply and accept an glass of iced tea. "I got an suspect, the evidence that will prove that he's guilty and almost an confession."

"Jane," she says with a roll of her eyes and a smile.

I take a swig of my iced tea and nod. "Yes, its in the car, but it's still warm so we have to get it out of it soon."

"What is in your car?" Nick asks who is standing close to me and I look with big eyes at him. "My present?"

"And what if I'm your present?" I ask back and his face lights up even though the others chuckle. I sigh because his reaction is making my day and I take his small hand in my own. "Mom and I do have a special present for you, I left it in my trunk. Do we wanna take a look at it?"

"Can I see it too?" Haley pipes up.

I take her hand into my other one and I can feel the tears in my eyes. This situation is feeling so normal like it did ages ago. "Of course, baby. I do need your help because I have a lot of stuff in the trunk and you are the best seeker I know." I say and she is beaming.

"Can we follow you too," Tommy asks and I nod with a broad smile. I am going to ask him later where TJ and Lydia are. I walk out of the house and open the lid of the trunk. "Start digging, baby." I encourage my daughter as I set her down and smile as she does so. I haven't been kidding when I said I have a lot of stuff in there, but none of it is going to harm Haley. Not in the moment, I really should clear tidy it out some time.

"Mama, what's that?" Haley ask me and shows me the still wrapped vest.

I frown because I though I already used it. "That's a reflective west, honey. I need it in the case of a car crash."

"It's pretty. Can I have it?"

"I get you one in your size." I laugh and my eyes are finding Maura's. It's the first time since long that I see that her smile is reaching her eyes.

"Mama," Nick says and his nose is pressed against the window of the rear passenger's door. "Is this a stuffed animal?"

My heart leaps in my chest and I hope that the puppy didn't curled up and died just because of the heat. I walk to Nick's side and have to smile as I look through the window just to see a vitally alive puppy on the back seat that let its tongue out of its mouth. I sigh in relief and open the door, taking the puppy from the seat. "If it'd be a stuffed animal would it pant, kid?"

Nick squeals and the poor dog in my arm wince. "Can I have it? Can I carry it?"

"Ssssh," Maura and Ma says in unison and Frankie smiles wryly.

I roll my eyes and am baffled that the small animal doesn't even shake because of the squealing of the two noisy brats. "How about we get inside, calm down and treat this ball of wool like its an living creature. And with that I mean Nick and Haley."

"But -" Nick starts to protest and looks sad at me.

"Uh-uh," I say warningly and look at Maura for backup. "If you can't behave and treat this little one with respect, I'll take it with me."

"Fine," he huffs.

"Fine." I reply and set the puppy down. I grab the wrist of my daughter gently as she is about to follow him. "Ah, let the puppy discover its new home. We don't want it to bite you, do we?"

"No," Haley says with pursed lips.

Nick is totally excited and seems to forget about all his guests. "Does it have a name, Mama?"

I shake my head. "I didn't give him a name, its not my dog."

"It's a boy?"

"It is."

Nick goes to his sister and they put their heads together. "What do you think, sis?" He asks loudly and we laugh out loud.

Haley throws a glance at the puppy. "He looks like a teddy bear."

"Baloo?"

"Noooo!"

Maura covers her mouth to stifle her laugh in the very quiet but really amused room.

"Teddy," Nick suggests.

"Ni—ck." Haley whines and I can't stifle my laugh.

"What about Bear." Maura suggests all of a sudden and we all look surprised at her and the puppy barks like he's agreeing.

"Bear," Haley and Nick say in unison and high five with each other.

I smile proudly and run my hand over Maura's back. Well, there it is again, their unity. I take a deep breath and at that sound my son turns his head to me. "Nick, come here please."

He swallows hard and does what I said. "I didn't do anything."

The others chuckle and I roll my eyes as I scoop him up. "You do understand that Bear is a living creature that needs daily attention, don't you?"

He nods slowly and frowns. "Yes."

"That means you have to feed him, give him fresh water and pay attention to him, you are responsible for him."

"I know, Ma."

"I hope so," I state and set him back down to the floor. "Mom and I discuss a lot about your birthday present. Well, Bear. He's a gift from us both."

He wraps his arms around my waist and beams up at me. "Thank you so much."

I smile and quirk an eyebrow as I look at Maura, who also has a smile on her lips. "Now, take your sister and see if Bear's doing alright, but be gentle and don't scare him."

Nick grabs the hand of Haley and runs off in no time.

Maura snickers and runs an hand over my arm. "I have the feeling that soon you own such a dog yourself."

"Nah, I don't buy me a Akita for myself, but I do have the feeling that we have to get Haley the one in a couple of months." I can't restrain the laugh that escapes from my lips as I see her accusing look. I turn my head and find my mother staring at Maura and me. I can see she's glad that Maura and me are really acting civil around each other and not just pretend it. I take my glass from the kitchen island and nod in the direction of Ma. "I think Ma wants to talk to me."

Maura nods and seems to try catching a glimpse of our children. "I go and check why Nick is suddenly so silent."

I nod as well and start to make my way towards Ma. "Ma, what is it?"

Ma takes a sip of her water and frowns. "Maura knew about the puppy?"

I furl my eyebrows as I look at her." Of course she knew about it."

"You didn't buy it to ace her out?"

"No, Maura and I talked about it and after a while she agreed to it."

"And with that you mean you yelled at each other?"

A growl rumbles from my chest and I glare at her. "We talked like two adult women, Ma. Why are you asking such things?"

Ma sighs and turns her body to me. "I'm sorry that I'm a little skeptical, Jane, but almost one month ago you couldn't be around each other for two hours without raising your voice."

My shoulders slump and I have to admit that she isn't wrong, but I think talking with Maura and telling her that we'd try to rebuild our friendship before we get any further. "I heeded your advice and talked to Maura. And we decided to rebuild our friendship with no obligations. We'll focus on that for now and it's working."

"I'm happy to hear that." Ma says and the relief is evident in her voice.

"Yeah, me too." I state and smile a little.

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Frost halts his car in front of my apartment building and turns his head to me. "You sure you'll be okay?"

I smile broadly as I unbuckle the seatbelt and wiggle my eyebrows. "I'm a bit drink, Frost, not wasted." I reply and look at him. "I'll get up to the third floor without breaking a leg. Thanks for the ride."

"You're welcome," he says and I get out of my car.

I close the car and bend forward. "See you Monday." I say through the open window and am about to straighten up, but then my body tense up as I hear a familiar voice calling my name. You really have to be kidding me.

Frost has heard it too and needs no time to unbuckle his seatbelt and to get out of his car.

"Jane, you have to stay away from my wife," the male voice says and I hear footsteps coming up to me.

I can't contain the laugh that erupts from my throat and I turn around. I stare into ice-cold blue eyes and take a deep breath. "Your wife?"

"Maura."

I cross my arms over my chest and quirk an eyebrow. "I know exactly whom you meant with **your wife** , but as far as I know you are not legally married to her. And as far as I know, she kicked you out of her house."

Andy steps closer to me and something warns me about it. "Because you fucked her," he snarls.

"And Maura enjoyed it very much as I did so," I say cocky and doesn't flinch as Andy steps even closer.

"Stay away from her." He growls low.

Something clicks in my brain because I've seen these kind of eyes already and most of the times I was called to a crime scene forty-eight hours later, tops. I clench my teeth and shove my index finger into his chest. "No, you stay away from her, my friend. And you stay away from our children. If I hear something else you get to know me. Maura might not tell me much about your … **relationship** , but I'm gonna find out what happen between either of you. And if get to know that you laid a finger on her, you'll regret it."

He's holding my gaze and clench his teeth. "You don't know to whom you're talking."

"I don't give a fuck about what you think you are, Andy." I'm growling now and lower my eyebrows. "But I guarantee, I'm holding the whip hand. Now, turn around and get lost before I decide to put you in a cell for tonight."

"And for what," he scoffs.

A smile graze my lips and look briefly at Frost. "For harassing a police officer. Now, turn around, get lost and don't come back here, Andy. Or I'm gonna hurt you."

"You heard her, Andy." Frost says but doesn't move from his car. He knows all too well that I got this.

Andy stares down at me but huffs as I don't flinch and turn on his heels to leave.

Frost looks worriedly at me. "Want me to spend the night on your couch?"

I consider his offer but shake my head. "He won't come back tonight, and Frankie's staying at Ma's. He'll call me when something happens at Maura's."

"As long as he isn't wasted."

I scoff and fish my keys out of my pocket. "I still have two incredible smart kids."

"True," he laughs for a moment.

I raise my right hand to signal that it's okay for him to go. "Good night, Frost."

He nods and opens the driver's door. "Night, Jane."

I wait until he drive off and close my eyes for a moment. Why on earth couldn't I see the signs any sooner, the signs of a man whose bottling up all his anger and probably blow off steam when he gets home. Now I understand why Maura insisted on calling him Andrew instead of Andy or why our children has been so withdrawn since a couple of months. I bury my face in my hands and scream through clenched teeth. How could I be so blind?

If I find out that Andy hurt only one of them, then I'm no longer Detective Jane Rizzoli. Then I'm only a loving … **friend** and mother. And I'm sure that's why Maura was so distant during those months, because she knows that I wouldn't hesitate to hurt the abuser, I wouldn't hesitate a second to kill him when it comes to my family. I run my hands through my hair and clench my jaw. I'm going to kill Andy if I'm right.

I turn on my heels and head towards the building. This is going to be a very long and very sleepless night.


	8. Chapter 8

**I am so, SO sorry for the delay, guys, but life kept me occupied. But now I'm back! So, thank you for reading, following, favorite and reviewing. It means really much to me.**

 **I know, this chapter's quite short, but I hope you'll like it anyway. And as always, reviews are welcome.**

 **Enjoy,**

 **T73.**

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I was up the entire night and waited for the call that Andy showed up at Maura's and rampaged because he wasn't able to intimidate me, but that call didn't come and I really need some sleep. I try to push my body, but it won't listen to me, so I had to call Maura and cancel the family day. Of course she wanted to know if I'm overwhelmed with everything once more, but I told her that I'm fine and that I'll make it up tomorrow. I could hear that she didn't really sell it and that I have to prove that I'm not gonna run away again once more, and that I won't let it happen that **he** hurt her ever again. I lay on my couch and groan loudly as I hear that the apartment door gets unlocked. I really should make it a habit to secure it with the chain. I should have know that my mother will come by to check on me. "Ma, I'm not really in the mood for talking."

"Good thing that I'm not your mother." I hear a familiar voice saying and I sit up.

I blink a couple of times and frown deeply. "Maura, what … what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Haley and Nick?"

Maura licks her lips and makes her way with a brown bag in her hand to the couch. "I'm not staying for long, I just wanted to check on you after you cancelled and I brought you a pastrami sandwich. For in the case that you haven't eaten yet."

I arch an eyebrow and have to smile a little. "That's very thoughtful, thank you."

"You're welcome," she replies and lift my feet a little so she can sit down. She hesitates for a moment before she place them in her lap.

I put the paper bag on the coffee table and can't help the scoff. "My feet are clean, Maura."

She heaves a sigh and runs an hand over calf. "You never know, Jane." She holds my gaze and starts to laugh as I roll my eyes, but then she sobers almost immediately. "Do you wanna tell me why you cancelled today?"

I don't answer right away and sigh as well. "Haley and Nick are disappointed, aren't they?"

She nods slowly and presses her lips together. "Yes. Yes, they are, Jane. And Angela is really mad at you."

"Of course she is," I mumble under my breath and clench my teeth. Of course Ma is mad at me, I cancelled last minute, more or less.

"Do you wanna tell my why you cancelled, Jane?" She asks carefully and avoids eye contact.

I give her moment and try to read her body language but nothing seems to be unusually. I nod to myself and hunch my shoulders a second later. "Andy showed up last night and told me to stay away from his wife." I finally say and her whole demeanor seems to change as she hears his name and her body tense. I can tell that something happened that she don't want to talk about, but everyone knows that it's not easy to get rid of me. "Is there anything you wanna tell **me**?"

She is silent and seems to lock me out. She purse her lips and stares at the black TV screen. To everyone who knows Maura it is clear that she's struggling with herself right now. "I didn't know that he'd show up here." She dodge my question and starts shaking her head.

I frown and prop myself up on my elbows. "That wasn't my question, Maura."

"And I don't know how to answer it."

"Okay, I'll make it easy for you. Did Andrew whale you or the kids?"

Her heads swirls in my direction and she furls her eyebrows. "He … What? No! Why are you asking something like that?"

I don't know why, but her reaction gives me a really bad feeling. "Because I saw it in his eyes as we stand almost nose to nose to each other, Maura, his uncontrollable anger."

"He has a very stressful job, Jane." Maura replies and gets up from the couch.

I think I must have heard wrong, or that this woman in front of me is just a replica of the Maura I once fell in love with, because the Maura I know would never say something like that. The Maura I know would be off the wall when a woman would say something like that. I jump up to me feet and stand in front of her. "And so do we, Maura. And neither of us would let out our frustration at innocent people. Must because he's a doctor, it doesn't give him the right to hurt you or our children."

Maura is silent for a moment and nods slowly and approvingly, sighing. "I know. You are right, Jane."

"So, did he hit you, Haley or Nick?"

"The day when I told him that I had sex with you, I think he considered it for a moment."

I clench my teeth and have to swallow my growl. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Only if you physically don't harm him."

I scoff and frown as she takes a look at her watch. "You're about to leave?"

She nods and starts to walk towards the door. "Yes, I am. I'm sure that Nick's already waiting with Bear at the door."

I grin broadly and wiggle my eyebrows. "You regret the decision already?"

She smiles back at me and opens the door, but then she hugs me all of a sudden. "No, not at all," she murmurs against my chest.

Now, I smile softly and hold her close. "Good." I whisper and kiss the top of her head.

She sighs and takes her distance again. "See you tomorrow at work."

I nod slowly and close the door after Maura left my apartment, I'm glad that she didn't ask if I still wanna join my family even though I am not the best company today. I'll try to take heed of Maura's plea, but I can't promise it in the case he says something stupid to me.

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, considering if it's too early for having a beer. I hunch my shoulders and walk towards the fridge.

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The next morning, I walk through the entrance of Mass Gen and towards the elevators. I know exactly where I can find Andy. Though I promised Maura to not rip him apart, I'm sure that he'll give me enough reason to beat the shit out of him. I spot him standing on the hallway as he's flirting with a nurse, so much about being faithful. I shake my head a little and two his shoulder. I wish I could take a picture as he turns around and looks into my face. I try not to laugh and nod I the direction of a silent booth. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He looks briefly at the nurse and follows me without hesitation. "Sure," he mumbles and crosses his arms over his chest. "What do you want, Jane?"

I have to take a deep breath before I really bite his head off, I promised Maura to stay calm. But every time I see his face I want to punch it hard. I count to ten before I open my mouth, "I had a interesting talk with Maura yesterday," I say and the color drains from his face. "She told me that you were about to whale her after she told you that we slept with each other. Is this your kind of solution when it comes to problems?"

He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and his eyes harden. "It's none of your business how I treat my family."

I step a little closer and glare at him. "Okay, here's the news. Neither Maura nor **my** children are your family. If you come close to then or the house then Maura or your frigging job is your minor problem. If you come close to them then I'm on your tail, and that you won't like. Did I make myself clear?"

"What the hell is your problem," he asks all of a sudden and furls his brows. "Can't you cope with the fact that Maura's with me?"

I blink a couple of times and think that must have misheard right now. Did he seriously say that he and Maura are still in a relationship? Slowly but surely I believe that Andy suffers from loss of reality, or that he lost his mind. "You are aware of the fact that she ended the relationship and kicked you out of the house, aren't you?"

Andy drops his arms to his sides and shrugs. "It's just a matter of time, she'll come back to me and you won't change that."

"Wha -" I start to say and furrow confused my eyebrows. He can't be serious. "I warn you one last time, Andy. Stay away from them or -"

He quirks an eyebrow as I trail off. "Or what? Are you going to beat me up? Kill me? Is it wise to threat me Detective?"

I low growl escapes from my throat and I step even closer. "Don't push your luck, Andy. I'm not 24/7 a cop, and you don't wanna mess with me in my spare time." I push him against the wall behind him as he scoff and clench my teeth. "I mean it, Andy. You may think that Maura's a lonely woman, but many people do have her back. You don't wanna mess with BPD, do you?"

He studies my face and I think that he can see that I am beyond serious. "This isn't over yet."

"Oh, yes, it is." I say and step a little back so he can breath again. "If you know what's good for you, you stay away from me and my family." I don't wait to hear his reply and turn around to leave. I can hear that he's mumbling something anyway as I start to walk and I am tempted to turn around once more and to place my fist against his jaw. I clench my teeth and slow my steps but then I remember not to freak out and to ignore his provocation. I take a deep breath and continue my way out of the hospital.

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I enter the bullpen and catch the skeptical glance of Korsak as I make my way to my desk. "What," I ask as I put my jacket off and place it on the back of the chair.

"You're a little … late," he states and I look up at Frost, who ducks his head.

"I had to take care of something." I reply and start my computer.

"Something or someone?" Frost mumbles and dares to raise his eyes.

I purse my lips and sit down. "I don't know what you are implying."

I look at Korsak and he smirks at me. I know that both men are well aware of what I'd taken care of, there's a reason why they are detectives. But I suspect that Maura unfortunately told Ma about our talk and that I asked her if I should _talk_ to Andy. And Ma probably told it Korsak as she started her shift at the Dirty Robber. I groan and run my left index finger over my brow.

"Is he still breathing," he asks and walks to the coffeemaker.

"Or do we have to arrest you for murder?" Frost pipes up.

I roll my eyes and straighten up. "Of course is Andy still breathing." I answer and see the skeptical looks. "I didn't do anything to him but warned him. Anyway, I think we should keep an eye on him."

"And why is that," Korsak asks me and I can hear that he doesn't ask me the question jestingly.

I shrug and lean back. "I have the feeling that something's wrong with him."

"Jane," he sighs and takes a sip of his coffee.

My shoulders slump and I sigh as well. "Alright, somehow Andrew still lives with the misconception that Maura and he are a couple and I have the feeling that he's trying to do everything to make that happen."

Frost furls his eyebrows now and seems to be highly alerted. "Are you talking about a kidnapping?"

I swallow hard and frown deeply. I didn't give too much thought about this possible and the idea makes me sick. I take a deep breath and my frown deepens. "We can't rule that out."

"Because your gut is telling you so?" Korsak asks and rolls his eyes. "Jane, you know that a gut feeling isn't a reason for a official observation."

I stare blankly at him and can feel Frost's eyes on me. "I'm not talking about a official surveillance, Vince. I just … Keep your eyes open and give me a call when Andy is around."

"And what do you except us to do when Maura's leaving for the night," Frost asks and looks questioningly at me. "I mean, we are Homicide Detectives and not bodyguards, Jane. And sometimes we get called to a crime scene or work late, not that I have to tell you that."

I roll my eyes now before I look at him. "You're right, I know that. Just keep an eye open when Maura's around in the building, I take care of everything else."

"So, know you're going to hire a bodyguard for Maura to keep her safe?" Korsak throws in and exchange a look with Frost. "I still remember how you reacted when she did that for you."

I huff and lean back in my chair. "And why should I do that? I still have my mother."

"True," Korsak agrees and scoff.

Frost chuckles amused and looks long at me. "We try to keep an eye on Maura when she's around." He says and Korsak nods approvingly.

I sigh in relief and smile a little. "Thanks, guys." I say but a frown find its way back upon my forehead. The whole situation is worrying me a lot. I already have seen what mentally unstable persons can do to others, and I know that there are drugs that can turn you into Jekyll and Hyde, and to those Andy has access. He wouldn't be the first doctor who take drugs to calm their nerves. Well, those thoughts doesn't really calm the uneasy feeling within me right now and I brush them aside so I can focus on work … for now. I lick my lips and suppress the urge to grab my phone, typing Maura a message. I look up from my screen and catch Frost staring with a smile at me. "What?"

Frost shakes his head with a smile and focuses back on his work.

Korsak chuckles amused and looks over the rim of his glasses at either of us.

I swallow my annoyed groan and decide to ignore both while I'm working.


	9. Chapter 9

I am more or less speeding through the streets of Boston with Beacon Hill as my goal, not caring about the other road users who are honking angrily as I'm passing them. Actually I was on my way to the Dirty Robber to meet the guys there after work as I got a call from my wrought-up mother. Well, I already had entered the Dirty Robber as she called me and turned on my heels as soon as I heard my kids crying in the background. Ma was stammering something about Nick, Haley and Bear and my first thought was that an idiot run into the puppy, but something deep down inside me that it has nothing to do with an idiotic driver but an insane doctor and now I'm hopping mad. I'm a little surprised that Ma called me instead of my ex, but I think that she couldn't reach Maura because she still have to perform two autopsies. Today is a busy day for her, she also turned Frankie down as he invited her. Before I clocked out I went down to the morgue and asked Maura if it would be okay for her if I stop by and check on Haley and Nick before I drive home and she agreed. Well, she said unless it's one in the night and I'm pickled. Alright, that wasn't exactly what she said. Howsoever, I didn't have the intention to get drunk as a skunk. Two beers, three tops. After-work beers are of marginal importance.

I halt my car with squealing wheels in front of Maura's house and wonder how she managed to be here before me as I spot her Toyota in the driveway, Ma must have reached her. I jump out of the car and literally run up to the front door, I don't bother to knock and barge in like this house is still my place too. I hear crying coming from the living room and my heart drops immediately. "Ma? Maura?" I call out as I hurry into the direction of the crying.

"Jane?" Ma calls back and comes out of the kitchen with an ice pack in her hand and I can feel anger blazing through my whole body. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe Nick and Haley played with Bear before bedtime and it got a little too rough.

I come into the loving room and spot Maura sitting on the couch as she examine the back of Haley's head with an worried expression while my daughter's crying bitterly.

Nick is sobbing as well and has his face buried in the puppy's fur which has curled up next to him and my heart is breaking. "What happened?" I ask as my mother stands next to me. "Did they got into a fight with each other."

Ma sighs and walks to the couch, handing Maura the ice pack. "No." She answers simply.

I'm waiting for further explanation but I wait in vain. "Ma?"

"No, they didn't fight, Jane." She replies and sighs.

I sigh and walk to the couch, sitting down next to Haley. "Let me see, sweetie." I say and frown as she shakes her head and buries her face in Maura's chest.

I'm not quite sure what I've done wrong and why she's refusing to let me see what happened to her head. "Haley -"

"Jane, it's only a bump." Maura cuts me short and rubs our back soothingly.

Did I heard right? Dr. Maura Isles just said that our daughter, Haley Rizzoli-Isles, only have a bump? She, who freaked out when I had a simple flu? Something tells me that my beloved family's withholding something. I take a deep breath and count to ten. "Nick, do you wanna tell me what happened?" I frown as his sobs grow louder, shaking his head too. I can feel frustration bubbling up and look at the my two favorite women, getting back up to my feet. "Ma, I'm sure that you wouldn't have called me just because Haley knocked her head. Spit it out! What happened?"

Ma and Maura are exchanging a look before Ma's shoulders slump. "Nick and Haley were playing with Bear before I put them to bed and then someone was knocking." Ma says and pauses. "Andrew showed up and demanded to see them, trying to get inside. I blocked his way and told him that he has to leave immediately, but he refused to leave. Then, Haley and Nick came with the dog to the door and Andrew freaked out as he saw the puppy. He told Nick that he's taking Bear to the animal shelter in the morning cuz he doesn't like any kind of animals, and then hell broke loose, Jane. Nick was crying and I told Andy to get lost but he still refused to leave. And before I knew it, Haley was yelling at him and tried to push him."

I look at Maura but she closes her eyes for a second. Somehow I know that this wasn't the end of the story and I clench my teeth, and my fists. I can feel my facial muscles twitching and lower my eyebrows. "Continue."

There is a heavy silence in the room before my mother continues, "In that moment Andy lost control and pushed Haley back. I couldn't catch her as she stumbled back and then she knocked her head at the door."

I'm holding my breath in the same time as pure rage is flooding my body and a low growl rumbles from my chest. Disrespecting or threatening me is one thing, I can handle that because I know that Andy wouldn't have the guts to make a dash at me, and even if he would I am able to fight back. But physically harming my defenseless four-year old daughter … That's the last straw. Now I'm stopping by at his place and I'm gonna kill him, literally. I don't give a shit if I'm given life when it comes to my family.

"Jane, please don't." Maura says with a pleading tone like she'd heard the thoughts in my head.

"Don't?" I reply and my voice's raising. Bear's head snaps up and Haley's and Nick's crying die down. "Are you fu -" I stop myself before I can finish the sentence in their presence. "Are you kidding me, Maura? I told Andy not to come here anymore and he ignored it. I told him what's going to happen if he harms any of you and he pushed **our** daughter. And now he has to take what's to come, and he won't like that." I say and start to head to the front door.

"I'm calling Tommy." Ma announces and takes her phone in the hand.

I already have my hand on the doorknob and look at her. "Yeah, do that, Ma. I'm sure he'll gladly join me when I'm going to kick Andy's -"

"I call Frankie."

"Even better."

Maura sighs loudly and looks down at Haley. "I'm going with you, Jane. So I can make sure that you won't do anything … stupid."

"Since when?" I snort and cross my arms over my chest.

She glares at me and looks pleading at Ma. "Angela, would you mind to watch Nick and Haley for a little longer?"

Ma scoops Haley up in her arms and takes the ice pack from Maura, placing it on Haley's bump. "Of course not, Maura. Just make sure that Jane don't … You know what I mean."

"Yes." Maura says, kisses the kids goodbye and grabs her purse.

I roll my eyes and open the door. "Love you, guys."

"Love you too," the three says in unison. Well, Ma says and the little one more or lese sob.

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The ride to Andy's place is silent, and I don't mean it in a pleasant way. I know that this incident isn't Maura's fault and yet I'm mad at her, I have no clue why. Maybe because she got involved with another lunatic. It's like she's attract such kind of men, God knows why. I have parked the car in front of Andy's apartment building but don't make the attempt to get out of it. Thousands of ideas have crossed my mind what I'm doing to him and how much time I'm going to take while I'm killing Andy. I take a deep breath but don't look at Maura. "Maura, you're going to claim for an TRO." I don't have to look at her to know that she's looking in disbelief at me right now, I can feel it but I don't care. I'm sick and tired of Andy's behavior and if she doesn't claim for an TRO, I can't guarantee that I'll stay out of jail. And seriously, I have other things to do than to take care of this sick son of a bitch.

"Excuse me," she asks with an high-pitched voice.

I sigh and turn in my seat to face her. "You heard me."

She blinks a couple of times and scoffs humorlessly. "I think that's my decision if I claim for an TRO, Jane."

"Obviously it isn't." I growl and furls my eyebrows. "Maura, he's stalking and harassing you and our family."

"He's going to stop coming by when we both tell him so."

"Yeah, that worked so well the last twenty times. Maura, he came to my house and told me to stay away from you, Haley and Nick, he literally ambushed me. I told him more than once to stop this kind of behavior, but it didn't work out as well."

She doesn't say anything for a moment and looks out of her window. "Let me talk to him and if he still show up than I'm going to call -"

"The police?" I ask a little louder and her head swirls around. "Maura, I **am** the police and he knows that but that didn't stop him either. Even if you're talking nicely to him and ask him to stay away, it won't change anything. On the contrary, it probably makes the situation worse because he's living in some sick fantasy in which the two of you are still a couple. He think that you are his property."

"I am no one's property." She replies harshly and I see anger flashing in her eyes.

For a second I have the feeling that she's becoming her old self again, the Maura I know and with whom I fell in love. The Maura that was independent, strong, determined and confident. I don't know what else happened to her after I left but I, sure as hell, won't take the blame for everything. " **I know that**!"

Maura takes a deep breath and is about to open the passenger's door. "I don't need an TRO, I can handle the situation myself."

I'm going to hate myself for the next words that are leaving my mouth but maybe they galvanize her. "Alright, then I'm taking the kids." I say with a final tone.

Maura's freezing and she shuts the door again. Her face is pale when she looks at me. "You wouldn't."

I swallow down the lump in my throat and furrow my brows. "I would do anything to protect them."

She's scrutinizing my face to see if I'm serious. "You really would take them away from me, Jane?"

I blink a couple of times and clench my teeth. I know that my answer's going to be a heavy setback for our _friendship_ , but I have to think about Haley and Nick now and not about Maura and me. Well, who knows? Maybe in five two minutes there won't be a Maura and me anymore. "If it means that Nick and Haley are safe, yes." I don't wince as I feel a burning pain in my cheek after Maura slapped my face because I somehow deserved it, I implied that she's a bad mother but I'm hoping that she'll come back to her senses. Hell, how many times has she told me that it's not a shame to ask for help, and now that she's the one who needs it, she's closing her mind to that fact. "Maura, you give me no other choice. Andy tried to force himself into your house tonight, he pushed Haley so hard she knocked her head on the door, he almost beat you and he yelled at our children with no reason. He's unpredictable, God knows why. But I know something for sure, I won't sit around idly and wait for the call that he has committed violence on them."

"You're unbelievable," she hisses and her eyes are as hard as stone. "You're not any better then Andrew, Jane. He might think I'm his property, but you're trying to force a decision on me."

"I don't try to force a de -" I start and frown deeply.

"Yes," she cuts me short and scowls at me. "Yes, you are, Jane. You make me chose to claim for an TRO or I'm going to lose Nick and Haley if I don't do what **you** want. **I** protected them for over nine months, **I** gave birth to both of them, **I** am there when they wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, **I** spend most of the time with Nick and Haley. You're the one who scammed, and now you act like you're the mother of the year. You were gone for months, Jane. Where have you been when Nick or Haley got sick? I know exactly where I have been in that time. I was with them at home and nursed them back to health while you got drunk, had fun and looked for your next hook up. Have you ever asked yourself why Nick dissociated himself from you, Jane? Because you weren't there anymore to chase away the monsters under his bed like you once did, or to check his closet because of the boogeyman. Frankie or Tommy were the one who played sports with him in the park because you preferred to busy yourself with work instead of **your** children." She pauses for a moment, laughing humorlessly. "Just because you start to be a part in their lives again it doesn't give you the right to call me a irresponsible mother, or to threaten to take away my children."

I held my breath the whole time she vent her anger and every single word she spit out with an extra portion venom hurts like a stab to my heart, but maybe my threat was the wakeup call she needed. But judging by her expression, this wasn't just a heavy setback, it was a very heavy setback for our friendship. To be honest, I think we are back at the point we have been one year ago. Though Maura never said those things to me back then, she never said them at all and I think she bottled them up since our separation. In some things we aren't so different. It doesn't mean that her words don't hurt, though. They are even worse then all the pain I felt when I got myself injured in the line of duty.

Maura huffs and fling the passenger's door open. "Let's get this done and then I'll call a cab."

I come out of my haze and jump out of the car. "Maura, don't be ridiculous. I'll give you a ride home.

She doesn't look at me as she makes her way towards the building. "No, thank you."

I press my lips to a thin line together and follow her without saying a single word. I know when it's better to keep my trap shut. Well, every so often. I take a look around as we make our way up to the fourth floor and I know for sure that we didn't use the elevator because Maura's beyond passed off. "Should I stay in the background," I ask and tuck in my chin as she shoots me a glare. "All right," I mumble to myself and her knocks at Andy's apartment door.

It doesn't take long until the door opens and I have to swallow a growl as his face lights up as soon as he spots Maura. "Maura, what a surprise to see -" He doesn't get the chance to finish the sentence because Maura forces her body past him into his apartment without any nice words. "Please, come in."

I growl low and do the same as Maura, forcing myself into the apartment. I see his flabbergasted face and smile proudly at him. I think he was thinking that Maura came by to have some time alone with him. Ha, think again. I willingly accept Maura's purse and her coat as she looks at me and take my distance so they can talk and I can keep an eye on them. I'll give Maura the change to set things straight and intervene as necessary. I can see that Maura stands taller than in a couple of months and it seems like Andy has noticed it too. Every now and then he tries to brush her arm or hand with his own hand but Maura always slaps it away.

Yes, I gave her the right wakeup call in the car. I can see the confusion in his face and something makes me quite aware because it seems to anger him that she refuse any kind of contact. I already have seen what it can do to a desperate man when he lives in a fantasy. Well, I have seen the outcome and that's why I'm here. Okay, actually I'm here to beat the shit out of him, but I'll give Maura a shot.

I turn my full attention at them as soon as I hear Maura telling him to get off her back and I see that he holds her firmly at her hips, pulling her against him. What the fuck? How long have I pretend to be distracted by the books in the shelf? I drop Maura's coat and purse without care to the floor and stand with three long strokes right next to them. Within second Maura's out of his grip and I block her away so he can't go after her without knocking me out.

He scoffs amused but his body seems to be in attack mode right now. "Seriously?"

I don't know why I always get this reaction from my opponents. Perhaps my appearance is lanky, but that's my advantage. Many people always underestimate me because of that appearance and then they're taken by surprise when I knock them flat out. I clench my fists and roll my shoulders with a devilish smile. A smile that Maura's well aware of because I always have it when Frankie and I have some rounds in the sparring in BPD's gym. Every now and then she watched us and she knows that we takes those training units quite serious. "Seriously."

"Jane, don't." I hear Maura say but ignore her. "He's not worth it."

Oh, yes, he's worth the trouble I get myself into. Now, after I witnessed what he's able to do, he gonna regret that he crossed Maura's way and got involved with her. I can handle a couple of hard punches, let's see how much he can take from a person who's punching back.

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I sit at the edge of Haley's bed and smile softly at her as I brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "How's your head doing, bug?"

Looks long at me and presses her stuffed cat tightly to her chest. "Hurts a little."

I bend down and press a kiss to her forehead. "Better?"

"One more, please." She answers and frowns a little.

I chuckle and kiss her forehead once more. "Is it now better?" I ask and start to pepper her face as she purse her lips.

Haley giggles and squirms underneath me, but then she turns serious and tugs at my hair. "Mama, are you mad at me?"

I sigh and frown. "Why should I be mad at you, honey?"

"Because I pushed Andrew first."

"You know that pushing other people first isn't right, don't you," I ask with furrowed eyebrows and Haley nods approvingly. "But it doesn't give Andrew the right to push you back because he's taller and stronger than you, and you only tried to protect your brother and your grandma. So, no, I'm not mad at you."

She still nods and sees that my knuckles are bruised. I suppress the urge to flinch as she touch them. "What happened, Mama?"

I look down at my hands and sigh. "You bumped your head today and I bumped my hands." Yeah, I threw my fists into Andy's annoying face while he stumbled backwards and tried to make a good punch himself, without any success. The only body parts of me which are bruised are my knuckles, he can't call himself so lucky. He probably look like he ran into a bus by now. Andy was lucky that Maura was around to hold me back at some point, otherwise I probably would've beaten him to death.

"Better?" Haley asks and kisses my hand now.

I smile like an idiot and nod. "Much better. Thank you, baby." I say and turn off the bedside lamp. "But now it's time to go to sleep."

She sighs contentedly and turns on her side. "Night, Mama."

I kiss her head one last time and take a moment to study her carefree face. "Good night, Haley. I love you very much." I smile as she sleepily murmurs something that sounds like _Love you too_. I get up from the bed and start to walk down the hallway where Nick's room is. I was a little surprised as Maura pulled up in her driveway and asked my if I want to wish the kids goodnight before I head home and I gratefully agreed. We didn't talk much on the way to her house, but she agreed to claim for an TRO just in case the beating doesn't keep Andy away. I know that she's still mad at me, that's why I get up the stairs without saying anything.

I knock lightly at Nick's door before I enter his room. Bear's lying at the end of Nick's bed and his head snaps up as soon as I come in. I guess Nick is already fast asleep or he pretend to be because he doesn't want to talk to me. His light snoring exclude the second option. I scratch Bear between his ears and he places his head back on his paws. I sit down on my son's bed. I rub lightly his leg and he stirs a little. "I'm sorry, Nick." I whisper into the silent room and swallow hard. "I'm so sorry for letting you down, for not being there for you and for disappointing you so much. It wasn't my intention to hurt you, your sister and your Mommy so much. I wish I could make everything undone and be the mother you deserve. I promise you to be there for you whenever you need me, Nick. And I hope that you can forgive me one day."

Nick turns on his back and blinks the sleep from his eyes. "Ma?"

Great, now I've woken him. "I didn't mean to wake you, buddy." I say and skid up next to him.

He frowns as his fingers start to trail my cheek. "Why are you crying? Are you sad?"

I haven't noticed that a tear has slipped from my eye and frown a little. Under other circumstances I would say that I don't cry but I don't want to lie to him. "I'm crying because you and your sister are the greatest gifts that we can get, and because we love you both so much. I hope you know that."

"I love you too," he replies and yawns.

I smile and run my finger through his hair, giving his head a kiss like I did before. "Go back to sleep, Nick. We have time to talk another time."

He turns back on his side and sighs. "Night, Ma."

"Good night, buddy." I say and get up from his bed and walk out of the room. I close my eyes for a second before I head downstairs. I'm not quite sure if I should leave for tonight without saying goodbye to Maura or to go into the kitchen and risk a fight. I consider my options and shrug. She already said a couple of painful things this evening, why not shattering me completely? I walk into the kitchen and see that Maura has her back turned to me. I'm sure she's thinking that I'm leaving for the night without a word. I can tell that she wants to be alone so she can follow her train of thoughts and cry alone.

I gather all my courage and sneak up behind her, wrapping my arms tightly around her. Her body stiffen before she realizes who I am and tries to wiggle out of my embrace.

"Jane, let go of me," she says with a warning tone but I tighten my hold. "I'm screaming if you don't stop."

"No, you won't." I reply calmly and am surprised how much she's fighting me. "You won't scream because I'm not going to hurt you and you know it." I can feel that her body relax for a second, but then she's trying to push harder. "Stop fighting me, Maura. Stop fighting your feelings, it's okay."

"Let go of me," she growls low and I'm happy that I don't hold something that could break on the floor and wake our children. I don't want them thinking that we got into a physical fight too.

I have to admit, I for you l like I'm wrestling with an very angry bull right now. "Stop fighting your feelings, Maura."

"I hate you, Jane," she hisses all of a sudden and my heart tighten.

"I know," I whisper into her ear but don't loosen my hold.

"I hate you so much for everything you did to me and to our children."

"I know."

Maura's body starts to shake and she let go a little of her resistance. "You made me believe that you love me and then you broke my heart into a million pieces." She sobs and I close my eyes. "And now I don't know how to put it back together or how to love ever again."

I hold her close to me and swallow back my own tears. "Yes, you know how to love, Maura."

"I can't love anyone else than our children, Jane."

"Of course you can love someone else, someone who is an adult and not related to you. And that person's going to love you back."

She shakes her head and leans it against my shoulder, giving up her resistance completely. "No. No, Jane, you are wrong. You are so wrong."

I turn my head to look at her but my eyes are glued at her exposed pulse point that appears to be really tempting in this moment. I swallow hard and brush the thought to the side. "Why am I wrong?"

She scoffs and rolls her head back and forth. "Because someone else owns my heart already."

"I go and apologize to … Andrew before I head home," I say and finally loose my hold. I'm a little surprised as she pulls me back against her body and my heart starts to race.

She turns in my arms and so many emotions are mirrored in her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Jane. I'm not talking about him."

I forget how to breathe and keep her gaze. So many times had I imagined what I'd say when something like that would happen, but right now my mind is totally blank. All the sentence I can think of even doesn't make any sense in my head. I'm not even sure if this is really happening or if I got stuck in a wild fantasy of my own. I really don't like it when my brain tricks me. Probably I wake up any second and find myself laying on my couch and a glass of whisky on the coffee table that's waiting for me. "You said that you hate me, Maura."

She nods slowly and takes a deep breath. "But my love for you overweight my hate."

I'm still skeptically and furrow my brows. "This is really happening, right? I'm not drea -" I jump surprised as soon as Maura pinch my arm. "Ow."

She smirks devilish and wiggles her brows. "No, you're not dreaming."

I can't help the smile that's playing around my lips but then I sober immediately. "What do you want me to do, Maura? I'll do anything."

Maura wraps her arms around my neck and her eyes drop to my lips. "Right now, I want you to kiss me, and then I want you to come to bed with me."

The voice in my head screams at me not to obey, but I decide to gag it. It yells at me that the morning after Maura and I spent the night together became a disaster and that she's probably a little intoxicated, but I don't give a damn about that right now. I lower my head and brush her lips with mine to give Maura the chance to back out, but then I kiss for real and my heart skips a beat. The kiss is slow and sweet and full of promises, and I can't taste a hint of alcohol on her lips. I can't suppress the moan that escapes from my throat as warmth spreads through my body and settles back in my heart. But then a thought cross my mind and I break the kiss. "Maura, wait." I say and she looks confused at me. "If we're really going to do this, what are we telling Haley, Nick and Ma?"

"The truth," she answers with a smile.

I furls my eyebrows now. "I stayed and that we had sex?"

"That you stayed the night," she replies laughingly.

"That's only partial the truth."

"We don't have to do any of this if you don't want -"

I silence her with another kiss and pull her even closer against my body. This might be another mistake we're making, but we have enough time to face the consequences in the morning, hopefully with a different outcome than the last time.

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 **No, we are not coming close to an end, there are still a lot of ups and downs to come, we all know that a broken marriage isn't fixed that easily. I just thought that this story needs a little light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you'll like this chapter anyway.**

 **And of course thank you for reading, following, favorite and reviewing. As always, you're welcome to tell me what you think.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **T73.**


	10. Chapter 10

I slowly wake up and frown a little because once again I wake up alone in a dark bedroom but this time it isn't my own but Maura's. Panic's flooding through my body, the last time we ended up in bed together didn't turn out so well. I prop myself up on my elbows and take a look at her alarm clock, it says 4.30 in the morning and I can't contain suppress a annoyed groan. What did wake me at such unholy hour? Perhaps the feeling of being left alone in the bed. I hold my breath as the door opens slowly and am glad that Maura comes in, dressed in a nightie.

She stops dead as she sees that I'm awake and blinks a couple of times. "Why are you up?"

I shrug and furrow my brows. "Don't know. And why are you up?"

She slowly walks towards the bed and takes a deep breath. "Haley usually wakes up at this time and sneaks into my bed. I just checked on her before she come in here and finds her Ma laying naked in here."

I nod slowly and smile mischievously as she comes closer to me. "That's very thoughtful and explains why you are wearing way too much." I say, grab her at the wrist and pull her back into bed.

She giggles as she lands in my lap and looks with a bright smile at me. She doesn't make the attempt to admonish me or to get out of my embrace. Quite the contrary, she places an hand on my shoulder and sighs. "I missed you." She whispers and it seems like something heavy has been lifted off her chest.

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and sigh as well. "I missed you too, very much." I say and lean in a little before I kiss her gently. I prepare myself for her yelling at me or slapping my face once more, but she kisses me back and sigh in relief.

Maura pulls back and keeps her eyes closed for a moment. "Please tell me that everything's gonna be fine again, Jane."

Our eyes lock and I can see the hope in them. Oh, how I wish it would be that easy and that I could say what Maura crave to hear. "I -" I'm silenced by her lips and my eyebrows shoot up high. I pull her even closer as I hear a sob escaping from her throat. I break the kiss and frown as I look at her. "Everything's gonna be alright, Maura but either of us have to work hard on our relationship."

"Friendship?"

I have to splutter and look down at my naked body. "Obviously we aren't able to be just friends anymore."

Maura smiles at me and takes a deep breath. "No, obviously we can't. We're not going to tell anyone that we're trying it once more, are we?"

I perch my eyebrows and stare at Maura's chest without noticing it or ulterior motives. We already did that and the upshot was that we got divorced. I look up as she runs her fingers through my hair and start shaking my head. "No. No, we're not telling anyone for now. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up high. Let's see how we work out for a little while and then we can decide what to do." God, I hope we'll work out this time, anything else would be embarrassing.

She nods approvingly and frowns a little. "Okay."

It's clearly visible that something else is bothering her and I hope that it's not because of our kids. I know what it did to them as I was gone all of a sudden, that they didn't understand what happened. How could they? They are just kids. I push the thought to the side because now it's just Maura and me. "What is it, Maura?"

"I'm afraid."

"About what?"

She licks her lips and squints up at the ceiling. "That we're going to fail again, Jane. Not today or tomorrow, or in a couple of months. I'm afraid that we're failing when everyone else thinks that we're working out. Like -"

"Like the last time we tried to save our relationship." I finish her sentence in a whisper as she trails off and link her right hand with my left, sighing.

Maura nods again and squeezes my hand. "I'm not sure that I'll survive another time of separation, Jane."

I know the feeling all too well, I'm afraid of the same things and that this is going to destroy our little family completely. But I want to have Maura back, and apparently she wants to have me back too. All we can do know is to plunge in and see what happens in the future. Life's too short to overthink everything. I lick my lips and look deep into hazel eyes I love from the first moment I saw them. "Well, we have to work harder to make this work, Maura. No bottling up anymore, no more hiding and no more pretending something never happened. If we feel the need to yell at each other, then we yell. And after we calmed down, we can fix whatever has broken. Together, as a couple. Does that sound good?"

"Yes," she replies and gives me a kiss. "that sounds good." She gets out of the bed and smiles broadly. "I'm gonna take a shower now and then I head downstairs to prepare breakfast. You still have one hour left to go before I come back and wake you."

I groan loudly and lay back on the mattress, taking a deep breath. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Deepens on what kind of favor." Maura says with a mischievous smile and places her left hand on her hip.

I scoff and point at my neatly folded pants. "I have a bag with fresh clothes in the trunk of my car -"

"Yes, I bring it to you." Maura cuts me short and bends down and gives me a peck.

I stare down her cleavage and quirk an eyebrow at the sight.

Maura scoffs and swats my shoulder as she realizes what I'm doing and straightens up. "You are impossible."

"I know," I chuckle and turn on my side, away from her. I welcome one more hour sleeping very much because I didn't get much last night.

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After I had another hour of sleep I got showered and dressed in my extra clothes that Maura got me from the trunk of my car, well, my other pantsuit and a fresh shirt. I enter the kitchen and slow my steps as spot Ma standing behind the kitchen island and as she slowly looks at me. "Um, morning." I mumble and try to avoid eye contact with my mother.

Nick and Haley turn their heads in my direction and smile broadly while chewing.

"Morning." Ma says skeptically and pours a cup of coffee that maybe is for my person. "I didn't know that you stayed the night."

I am about to sit down at the head of the dining table and stop dead for a second. Now, it's my turn to become suspicious. I'm more than sure that she have seen my car when she came over. Ma doesn't miss anything that isn't her business. "Uh, yeah. It got a little late last night."

"Uh-huh," she simply says and perch her brows.

Maura raises her eyebrows high and stuffs a spoon full of muesli into her mouth.

Ma places the cup of coffee in front of me and a small smile plays on her lips. "You can have pancakes or muesli for breakfast."

I frown a little and don't find those options very appealing. "How about scrambled eggs?"

"Why do I even ask," Ma mutters and complies with my request.

I smile sheepishly as Maura scowls at me and look at our kids. "How did you guys sleep?"

"Good." Nick answers brusquely and I frown a little.

"My head don't hurt anymore." Haley says proudly with a mouth full of food and Maura is about to admonish her because of that.

I am about to check her head but she ducks it and glare at me. "Your head doesn't hurt if you don't touch it, right?"

She purse her lips just her mother and shrugs. "Maybe."

"And how did you sleep," Maura asks with a straight face.

In that moment I'm about to take a sip of my coffee and choke. I don't know why her question took me by surprise, but my reaction makes my Ma look at me. I clear my throat and look long at Maura. "I … Well, I always sleep well in the guest bedroom. The bed … the bed is more comfortable than mine."

Maura wiggles her brows and smiles as she takes a sip of her own coffee. "Good to know."

"Yeah," I mumble and smile at Ma thankfully as she puts a plate in front of me.

"So, Jane." She says elongated and I wish I could be somewhere else than here right now. "Are you gonna stay more often over night from now on?"

I shove a fork full of eggs into my mouth to buy some time before I have to answer. Why on earth does she have to make breakfast for us this morning? I think she chose it purposely because of my car in the driveway. Next time I'll park it around the corner. I still feel her eyes on me, that's why I take my time.

"Do you have to work, Mama?" Haley asks with hope in her eyes and shifts in her seat.

"Of course Ma has to work." Nick grumbles but doesn't look at either of us. "She's always working."

"Nick." Maura says warningly to him.

A deep frown finds its way upon my forehead and I have to admit, I'm a little taken aback because of his bad demeanor this morning. I swallow hard and put the fork down. "Why are you in such a bad mood this morning, Nick?"

He shrugs again and shoves his food all over the plate. "Just because."

Alright, I really try to be a very patient person when it comes to Nick and Haley, but sometimes either of them strain it sometimes just like right now. I know that it has to be confusing for them sometimes. One moment I am with all of them and try to have a good time, and then Maura and I start to argue in front of them. And neither of our jobs doesn't make it any easier. "All right, just because is not a answer. Would you please tell me what's going on?" Why do I actually ask? Maura told me yesterday why he sometimes behaves strangely when I'm around, but I would like to hear it from Nick, in his words. I am aware of the fact that a now eight-year old can't express every single feeling in right words, but it would help if he'd talk to me.

"Nothing." Nick simply says and heaves a sigh.

I look long at him blink a couple of times. I'm about to say something as the phone next to my plate starts to vibrate. They really have to be kidding me. Do they sense it when calling me is untimely? I close my eyes and sigh loudly, and Nick drops his fork and jumps up from his chair, running upstairs.

I really have to talk to Cavanaugh about some things, especially if I want to fix my relationship with Maura and our kids. Being called to a crime scene in that period is not very beneficial. I look apologetically at Maura and take the device into my hand before I get up to my feet. "I'm really sorry, Maura." I say and can see that she's whispering something to Haley, pressing her lips to a thin line together. I can't wait to her my mother's lecture later. I disappear around the corner and take the damn call though Maura's gonna be really passed.

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I sit at my desk and stare at the glass board with the newest case, trying to figure out why the man has been killed and in which way his girlfriend has anything to do with his sudden death. As far as we know, she had an affair with the victim's brother and wanted to see her boyfriend dead because he was a gambler and ran through a fortune with all kind of bets. But she and her lover have a solid alibi. God, my head is killing me already and I don't want to be here, but Korsak takes a further training and Frankie's driving Frost crazy at some point. I bury my face in my hands and groan loudly. Suddenly, I feel a presence and peek through my fingers to find my mother standing in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest. "What," I ask unceremoniously and frown.

"Can I talk to you," she asks me back and her voice is stern.

I lean back in my chair and take a deep breath. "Ma, I'm kinda busy here."

"No, you are not. You are sitting here and stare at this board. I'm sure you can spare me five minutes." She shoots back and her tone is final.

I know that this isn't a _Can I please talk to you privately_ , it's a _**Don't argue with me, get your lazy ass up and follow me, or I drag you outta here**_. I nod slowly and get up to my feet, leading the way into the empty break room.

"What is going on, Jane?" She asks as soon as the door closes behind us and I have no time to come up with a counter question. "Do you really think that your children and I don't know that you are not just _staying over night_. You and Maura spend the night together every now and then, don't you?"

I scoff, cross my arms over my chest and furls my eyebrows. "This absolutely none of your business, Ma."

She huffs and glares at me, pointing at the door. "No, but my either of my grandchildren are, Jane. Whatever Maura and you are doing, it's confusing your children."

I clench my teeth and shake my head. "In which way is it confusing them?"

"Because you spend a night and half of a morning at Maura's place, then you're gone. She spend a night and half a morning at your place, then she's gone. And then the two of you start to fight and don't speak for weeks to each other, except it's necessary." Ma answers and her voice grows a little louder. "Even I'm confused because of that. Jane, you put them already through a divorce, don't you think that they need a break?"

I stare blankly at her and narrow my eyes. "Maura and -" I stop myself before I say too much and start to head for the door. "Neither have I the time nor the nerve to discuss this with you right now. I have a dead body down in the morgue that's waiting for justice, Ma."

"Did you forget that you promised Nick and Haley to go to CoCo Key Water Park today?" Ma throws in as I'm about to leave.

I sigh dramatically and my shoulders slump. "On Saturday, it's Thursday."

"It is Saturday, Jane." She replies and I swirl around with a horrified expression.

It can't be, can it? Did I really lost my sense of time? It would explain why Maura gave me another hour to sleep and why Nick was so grumpy this morning, like he sensed that I'm going to break the next promise, and why Maura wasn't called to the crime scene too. And why she looked rather flabbergasted as I took the call. "Maura went with them?" I ask and wipe my nose with the back of my hand because I'm on the verge of tears.

"Yes, they drove off an hour after you left." Ma answers and takes a deep breath.

I close my eyes and run my hand over my forehead because my head feels like it's about to explode. "I am good in my job, but I'm a complete failure as wife and mother." I mumble to myself.

Ma comes to me and looks me deep in the eye. "You're not a failure as wife and mother, Jane. You just have to learn how to set priorities."

I scoff humorlessly and furrow my eyebrows. "Ma, I had over eight years to learn how to make priorities, but didn't make any process in it. That's why my marriage failed, and that's gonna be the reason why Haley and Nick are going to hate me."

She leads me to a table and shakes her head. "They don't hate you, Jane."

"They just think that I'm flakey."

"That's more possible."

"Thanks," I chuckle and look long at her. I can see the sympathy in her eyes and furrow my brows.

She hesitates and licks her lips. "Can I ask you something?"

I turn the corners of my mouth downward and shrug. "Deepens on the question, Ma."

Ma rubs her hands with a frown. "Are Maura and you trying to … fix your relationship?"

I rub tiredly my eye and take a moment before I answer, "Every time we try it I screw things up, Ma, and then it's worse than before. Like today, for example. I'm sure Maura's gonna be mad as hell at me."

Ma nods slowly and seems to consider her next words. "Do you still love Maura?"

I don't need to think twice. "She's my life, Ma. She is my family. I would die for her and our children."

"You should tell her that."

"She knows."

"You sure?"

I open my mouth but shut it again immediately. No, I'm not sure anymore. I always tell Haley and Nick that I love them from the bottom of my heart, but since Maura and I got involved again I didn't tell her the same because I was too scared to be the only one who feels that way, though she told me yesterday that she can't love anyone else anymore. I am really such an idiot. That's how you fix a broken relationship, not listening to what your partner says.

My mother smiles as she sees that I realize what I'm doing wrong and place an hand on my arm. "Go, tell her, Janie. And go, talk to Sean. Explain the situation to him, he will be the last person who won't understand."

I nod slowly and get up from the chair. "You're right. Thanks, Ma."

"You're welcome, honey." I hear her saying as I hurry out of the break room.

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I enter Maura's house without knocking and drop the pizza box on the kitchen island with a loud groan. "Here we go," I sigh like I just lifted eighty pounds up.

Maura looks a little surprised at me and furrows her brows. "The kids and I already had dinner, Jane."

I nod slowly and lift up the bottle of Maura's favorite wine that cost me a salary. Don't ask where I got that one from. I open the lit of the box and flutter my eyelashes. "I know, probably grilled cheese sandwiches. But this is **our** dinner."

"It's pizza."

"Part mushrooms, part salami. And I have this fancy wine which name I can't pronounce."

A smile is tugging on her lips and she steps closer. "We hadn't that kind of dinner for a while."

I take a deep breath and nod once again. "I know."

"But that doesn't make up for anything, Jane. The kids were disappointed that you left for work." She says and crosses her arms over her chest.

The smile on my lips dies immediately. "I know, and I am so sorry. I I've lost my sense of time, I was thinking that it was still Thursday. But tomorrow I'm all yours."

Maura looks skeptically at me. "Until work calls."

I shake my head and place my hands on her hips, pulling her against my body. "Nope, no one's gonna call me tomorrow. I'm off duty tomorrow and the next week, and the week after. And if you have to work in that time, I'll gracefully take care of our little monkeys."

"Who are you and what have you done to Jane," she chuckles with a glint in her eyes.

I am the one who wraps her arms around my neck and hunch my shoulders. "I'm the one who came back to my senses after her mother knocked some into her head." I smile broadly as I hear a laugh. "Tomorrow we gonna do everything the little ones want to do, together."

"You are aware of the fact that we probably have to go to Coco Key Water Park once again."

"Yes, I'm aware and I don't mind. And in the evening Tommy's watching Nick a Haley so we can go to a restaurant of your choice."

Maura's looking surprised at me and smiles. "A restaurant of my choice? Even a fancy one?"

"I wouldn't expect anything less," I chuckle amused.

"Without whining?"

"Maybe a little bit whining."

She smiles broadly and scrutinize my face.

I tuck in my chin and lower my eyebrows. "What?"

"What happened to you?" Maura whispers.

I shrug and smile wryly. "I just realized how much you mean to me and how much I love you, Maura." Panic raises in me as I hear her breath hitch. "Too soon to say that?"

Maura shakes her head and closes her eyes for a second. "It's just been a while since I heard you saying that."

I bend my head a little but then I place one of her hands over my wildly beating heart. "That's you and Nick and Haley." I furrow my brows as she sobs. "I love all of you so much. I love **you** so much, Maura."

She kisses me gently and leans her forehead against mine, eyes closed. "Jane," she breathes like I am back from a very long undercover operation.

I have my eyes closed as well and feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my chest. I nod slowly. "Yes." I whisper back and have to smile.


	11. Chapter 11

I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans and inhale deeply the fresh air as Maura and I walk slowly towards my parked car. I honestly was surprised that Maura has chosen a nice steakhouse instead of a fancy French restaurant that serves escargots that I'd swallow down reluctantly, but I would do it to please her. I thought that I could take her for a ride as I showed up at her place, dressed casual. But she render me speechless by saying that she's glad I'm not overdressed. I looked confused at her until she directed my to the steakhouse. Somehow, I can sense that she's not really in the mood for driving home by now, just like me. That's why I decide to lead the way to a nearby park. The evening went really smooth and we talked about more than work or our kids. Something that we didn't do for a very long time. It's not like we didn't have any date nights since the birth of our son, but somehow we couldn't stop being mothers at that time. We talked about work, we talked about what activity to do the next day with our family. During that time, we never had been a real couple. Now I become aware of that. The whole time, I thought that I am the only one to blame, but now I think that either of us has been unable to cope with the whole new situation. That we perhaps rushed some things after we became a couple. Not that I regret anything we did in the past, well, I don't regret the good things we did. Like vetting married or becoming parents, but maybe taking a little more time would've been wiser.

I frown a little when she links her arm with mine and look down at her. "I can't believe that you've chosen a steakhouse instead of a fancy French restaurant."

"I can't believe that you'd dressed in a simple jeans and a dress shirt even though you knew it could be possible that I want to go to such a restaurant." She shoots back but smiles a little.

I take a deep breath and can't contain amused chuckle. "In the case you'd chosen such establishment, I'd have stopped at my place to get dressed more appropriate."

"Uh-huh," she says slowly and looks into the distance. "Something tells me that it's not the truth."

I open my mouth to reply something, but then I decide against it and close it again. Somehow, Maura's right. If she'd have chosen a fancy restaurant, I probably would have start whining. "I didn't ruin your plans, did I?"

She laughs heartily and shakes her head. "No. No, you didn't, Jane. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind, but I wasn't in the mood for that kind of restaurant. I wanted that either of us feel comfortable. And I have to admit that I like Del Frisco's very much."

I nod slowly and furrow my eyebrows. "You have to admit a lot of things tonight, Maura."

"Yes, I do." She agrees and pulls me a little closer. "And I enjoyed the evening with you a lot. It feels like -"

"We haven't been doing this for ages." I say as she trails off and nod slowly. I have the same feeling. Like we've been so busy with everything else so we neglected ourselves and our relationship.

Maura is silent for a moment and sighs. "Yes, exactly." She leans her head against my shoulder and frowns. "Jane, do you think that we got so busy with everything else so we forgot to take care of our relationship?"

"I asked myself the same thing already, Maura." I say and hunch my free shoulder. "I also thought that we maybe rushed some things."

"Like what?"

"A couple of things. I mean, we only have been in a serious relationship for a couple of months when we got engaged."

"You were the one who proposed," Maura states and slows her steps. "What are you regretting?"

I roll my eyes at myself and swallow a groan. Why can't I shut up at some point? I start shaking my head and furrow my brows. "I regret absolutely nothing, Maura." I say and my voice is soft, looking long at her. "All I want to say is that we maybe didn't take enough time for ourselves, didn't enjoy our time together long enough. If I could go back, the only thing I would is suggest is to take a little more time, take the things a little slower. But I would never change the fact that we decided to have a family together because our children turned out incredible well. Mostly because of you."

She smiles broadly at me and wraps her arms around my middle all of a sudden, holding me close. "Thank you."

I smile like an idiot and nod approvingly. "You're more than welcome, Maura." I whisper into her hair and close my eyes. It's true, why should I lie? She did an amazing job all by herself, I haven't been a big help most of the time. I pull away a little when I feel her shaking. "You okay?"

Maura nods and shrugs. "I'm just a little bit cold. I shouldn't left my coat in the car."

"You couldn't know that we're going to take a little walk, Maura."

"I should know your spontaneous side by now."

I scoff and start to lead the way back to the car. "True." I say amused and Maura starts to laugh heartily. "Let's get you home."

Maura licks her lips and looks at me. "Are you going to stay tonight?"

I don't answer right away because the offer is more than tempting. Waking up next to Maura is like … waking up in a better world, but sadly I don't have clothes at Maura's to get dressed in tomorrow in the morning. "Next time, Maura." I answer and unlock my car. She's silent and I'm afraid that she's mad because of my answer. "Are you mad, Maura?" I ask and open the passenger's door for her.

Maura doesn't get in immediately and looks long at me. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"Disappointed?"

"No, not at all."

I close the door and take a deep breath. Normally I would doubt the answer, but this time the voice in my head tells me that I don't need to worry this time, that she's not lying about it. I nod to myself as I round the car and sit down behind the steering wheel, starting the engine. I am about to drive off but then I hesitate, looking at her. "You sure that you're not mad at me?"

She rolls her eyes and leans over, kissing my cheek. "I'm more than sure about it, Jane. I'm not mad at you because you're not staying tonight. You spent the entire day with Haley and Nick, and kept the promises you made last night. How could I be mad at you?"

I nod slowly and sigh in relief before we finally drive off.

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"So you and Maura are going to try it again," Frankie asks and gets himself a bottle of beer out of my fridge.

I roll my eyes and frown a little as he does so. I don't know why he's here at all instead of being at the Dirty Robber with Frost and Korsak like we used to at the end of a shift. I have spent the most of the day with the kids and Ma and hoped that I'm not going to strangle my mother with my bare hands for interrogating me how the evening with Maura went. I walk to the fridge and get myself a beer out of it. Maura had been requested for a autopsy of an high-class man and that bothered her a lot because this time she was the one who had to work instead of spending the time with us, but she didn't dare to turn the request down. I shrug and take a sip of my beer. "We … try to fix our relationship without any expectations. We … still have feelings for each other."

"No kidding," he replies with a knowingly smile and ducks his head as I threat to throw a scouring sponge at him.

"Shut up," I say with a small smile.

He snickers and sits down at my kitchen counter. "Look, I think it's great that you guys try to fix your relationship, Jane. Maura and you … You are made for each other. I know what I'm talking about."

I blink a couple of times and lick my lips, dropping my eyes to the floor to hide my smile. I know what he's referring to. Tommy tried to hit on Maura but she turned him down, just like Frankie. Well, Frankie wasn't turned down, either of them agreed that a relationship wouldn't work out because what they felt for each other was more like sibling love, not romantically. I still have no idea why she choose me at the end, and I'm sure she's asking herself the same thing every now and then. I guess that's something that always was holding me back, that we misinterpreted our feelings for each other and that they are nothing more than - I sigh and shake the thought off. "We try to make î work for the sake of Haley and Nick."

Frankie looks skeptically at me and put the bottle down. "You don't love Maura anymore?"

I'm about to take a swig from the bottle but lower it again as soon as the words leave his mouth. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

"So why are you saying that you try to fix it because of Nick and Haley? I mean, it's noble of either of you that you only want the best for them, but I have the feeling that you and Maura are falling by the wayside." He says and I can see the concern in his eyes. "Parental love has its limit, Jane."

"No, it doesn't." I growl low and clench my jaw.

Frankie rolls his eyes and places an hand over mine. "You know how I mean it. At some point, parents have to take some time off and just enjoy themselves. You can't be there for Nick and Haley forever without giving up yourself. Do you really think that they're going to be independent one day if you babysit them 24/7?"

"They are eight and four, almost five." I reply and furrow my eyebrows. I shrug and sigh. "I know that we can't treat them forever like toddlers, Frankie. But I … try to spare them feeling like I was feeling like when I was in their age."

He looks questioningly at me and pulls his hand back. "What do you mean?"

"Well, in the beginning there was only Ma, Pop and me, and then all of a sudden there was you too."

"I'm not sorry for that."

"Me neither," I state laughingly and he smiles at me. "But I had to grow up very fast from that moment on. I couldn't understand why Ma and Pop didn't had so much time for me anymore. You know how it feels like when you're suddenly not the center of attention anymore." I pause as he nods and turn the corners of my mouth downward. "I want to give Haley and Nick are equal."

Frankie let the words sink in and furls his brows. "So instead only neglecting Nick, you neglected either of them equivalently?"

I tuck in my chin and am sure that shock and hurt is written all over my face. I know that he doesn't mean it that way and that he probably regrets his choice of words already.

Frankie sighs heavily and rubs his hands with his hands. "I'm sorry, Jane. I don't know why I said that."

I swallow down my angry reply and raise an hand to signal him that I'm still calm. "It's okay, you're not the first person who's telling me something like that."

"Ma?"

"Surprisingly, no."

"Maura," he tries a second time and I nod approvingly, sipping my beer. "You know that I love you, Jane, but I am on her side in this."

I purse my lips and don't look at him. I know that he loves me and that he has my back, like I have his. But I know that I made a lot of mistakes in the nearer past and that I have to face the music. How have I been fooling? No one can stand in such a thing neutral, except Tommy. Tommy is more like Switzerland, always was. As soon as trouble seem to come up during the divorce, he left the room or didn't make a sound at all. I wish he could have been so neutral when our parents got divorced. Anyway, I deserved Frankie's bitter comment because he was more parent in the time I came unglued. "I know, Frankie. I know that I can count on you, no matter what. I really deserved it."

Frankie sighs heavily and frowns. "No, you don't. I know that you had a good reason to act like you did, it's just confusing. I only wish that you'd say what the reason was."

God, I wish I'd have a good explanation why I acted like a did. Having the habdabs, yes. Definitely yes. Have they been comprehensible? In the past they would have been. I mean, I was haunted by a serial killer who was obsessed with me just because he thought I'm the perfect opponent for him. And then there is Maura's biological family … father, who was the head of the Irish mob. It is obvious that Paddy's enemies wouldn't hesitate to hurt Maura or her family to get to him, it already happened once. Living with a target on the back isn't that exciting like it seems to be in the movies. I don't shoot people while falling to the ground, and I don't jump up when a bullet went through-and-through like it's nothing. I don't jump off a roof and fly through the air like Supergirl. My weakness isn't a green, blinking mineral. My kryptonite is my family, the persons I love the most. If I loss my family, I have nothing that keeps me here.

I start to rub my forehead with my hand as I feel the headache beginning.

"Is that your clue for me to get lost?" Frankie asks with a broad smile.

My eyes snap up to his and I furrow my brows. "No. It was just a long day."

"Can I finish my beer?" He chuckles and sips his beer.

I chuckle and nod slowly, taking a sip of my own. All I want to be right now is alone so I can take a shower and go to bed, but I would never throw my brother out of my apartment. I know that he's here to show me that nothing has changed at all. But it doesn't change that I want to be alone right now.

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I know I told Maura that I'd stay at my place for the night to regenerate from playing tag with the kids all day long. It seemed like all if us had to make up for a lot of time. But the talk with Frankie earlier this night has stirred something deep inside me, something that made me grab a couple of clothes, throwing them into the nearest bag, getting my keys and driving back to Maura's house without giving her a call. I know it sounds silly, but I've been laying for three hours in my bed and tried to get some sleep, but it didn't work. Not laying next to Maura in a bed feels like someone took the warmth from my body.

I sneak into Maura's dark bedroom and am surprised that Bear didn't give a bark as I passed Nick's bedroom. Maybe that's because we really got used to each other. I mean, he doesn't eye me skeptically anymore or sniffle at my leg when I come by. I drop my bag carefully at the door so I won't wake Maura and slip out of my sneakers. I know that she's won't be really thrilled when she wakes up in the morning and find me laying in my clothes next to her, but I don't care about that right now, I'm to tired. And I'm wearing only sweats and a shirt, and I'm freshly showered. She can't complain about that in the morning.

I have to smile because she has her back turned away from the door and gives me the opportunity to sneak up behind her and to wrap my arms around her. I take a deep breath and slip under the blanket, hesitating for a second before I really wrap my arms around her. I frown when she stirs a little with a sigh, but then she places an hand over my arm and pull me even closer.

I place my face at the crook of her head and inhale her scent.

"I thought you'd stay at your place," she whispers into the dark and sighs once more.

I nod once and then I shrug. "I couldn't find some sleep."

"And then you thought you could sneak into my house and into my bed?" She says and the smile is evident in her voice. "That's a very odd way to find some rest, Jane."

I scoff and kiss her neck gently. "I can feel that you really don't like it. I mean, you wake the entire neighborhood with your screaming."

She chuckles low and turn on her back so she can look at me, running her fingers along my jawline. "You're here without any ulterior motives, aren't you?"

"Yes," I answer and scrutinize her face in the dark. I really had no other thoughts than laying in bed with her and to hold her for a little while.

"Good." Maura breathes and pulls my head down to kiss me long and sweet.

I can't help the smile and kiss her back without any hesitance. I think this time we're really going to work out. I know there's still a long way to go, but this time I'm optimistic.

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 **Thank you all for your really kind reviews, it really made my day. And of course thank you for reading, following and favorite this story.**

 **I hope that you'll like this chapter as well. I'll be honest, I actually don't know how many chapters will follow, but I still have some ideas.**

 **Okay, that's it for now. Thank you all very much.**

 **T73.**


	12. Chapter 12

I laugh heartily as we leave the Dirty Robber and give drunk Frankie a good shove and he almost stumbles into drunk Frost.

"Seriously, Jane." Frankie laughs and glares at Frost. "Bro, keep your hands to yourself. I'm into women."

Maura splutter and wraps an arm around my waist as I pull her closer.

"Shut up." Frost slurs with a broad grin. "You're not my type anyway."

I almost choke on my own saliva and look at Maura, eyebrows furrowed. "Does that conversation sound familiar too?"

She has the mischievously spark back in her eyes and snickers, nodding approvingly. "Frighteningly yes." She says and I laugh again. We already had this kind of discussion and Maura pretended that I wouldn't be her type. Well, it turned out that she already lied back then. Only God knows how she managed not to pass out or break out into hives.

"What are you talking about," Frankie asks and tries to find his balance.

I wave his question off with my hand and laugh conspiratorially with our Chief Medical Examiner. Four months have gone by. Four month since Maura and I decided to give us another shot and they gone by without any great incident. Of course we had our little disagreements every now and then, but they mostly were about where to go with Nick and Haley and what kind of things we'd buy them. But at the end of the day everything turned out to be fine. Four month had tone by when I made the promise to change my life completely, to make my family to my top priority, and I stayed true to my word. I didn't miss any kind of school event anymore, or a game Nick's softball team, or a game of Haley's soccer team. I always was there, I became a part of their life again. And I embrace every single moment I have with either of them. Maura and I have at least one date night in the week and we don't talk about work or worry about our little ones too much because their always in good care when we take time for ourselves. Like tonight. Tonight Tommy takes care of our children and I'm sure that Nick and Haley enjoy their time with him and TJ and, of course, Bear.

"You sure that I shouldn't call a cab for these two clowns?" Korsak asks and whips his hands in a towel that hangs over his shoulder.

"So," Frost giggles like a school girl and Frankie joins him. "When are you and Maura getting remarried?"

Korsak rolls his eyes and I swat the back of Frost's head playfully. "Thanks, Vince. I got this."

"If you say so," the old man replies and raise an hand for a final goodbye.

I glare at Frost and sigh, unlocking my car. "Stop it, would you? Now go to the car, get in and shut up." I ignore their disapproving mumbles and lean against Maura's Toyota when she unlocks it. "You sure it's okay that we'll drive separately?"

She smiles sweetly at me and looks in the direction of the two men who pretend to scuffle. "Yes, I'm fine with it, and someone has to drive Frost and Frankie home before they really get into some serious trouble."

"True," I agree and bend my head to give her a kiss on the lips. "See you in a bit." I say and hear the groans of the two drunk idiots and Maura chuckles amused. I growl low and turn to them, pointing at my car. "I said get in. You are worse then my children who are way younger than you are."

Both men salute and open the doors to do as I said. I roll my eyes and give Maura one last kiss, watching her sitting down behind the steering wheel and fasten her seatbelt. I take a deep breath and make my way over to my car but the sudden horrified and very sober expression of my brother tells me that there's something wrong. The first thought that comes to my mind is that a dark dressed figure straightened up behind Maura and I turn around.

"Jane, watch out!" I hear Frankie calling out but it's too late. I already turned around and look into a angry face and eyes which scare the shit out of me. God knows how the person was managed to sneak up behind three police officers and a Medical Examiner. I know those eyes all to well, but now they are just hollow and somehow crazy in the same time. I gasp loud and look puzzled into those eyes as a searing pain spreads through my abdomen. I feel like he knocked the air out of my lungs the moment he stepped into my personal space. I can her the blood rushing in my ears and screaming and shouting that doesn't make any sense to me right now, nothing makes sense. I choke another gasp as I feel a mire intense pain shooting through my body and my knees give in a little. This time the expression of my assaulter is wrathy. I want to ask him what the hell is wrong with him and that he has to step back before I'm gonna kick his ass, but it seems like the words are stuck in my throat. All I can do is to look questioningly at him and blink a couple of times.

In the corner of my eye I see Frost jumping out of my car and that he yells something at the assaulter that I can't hear in this moment. I actually don't know what is happening in this moment and why there's a tumult around me all of a sudden.

I see Korsak and Ma storming out of the Dirty Robber and that Ma's color drains from her face and that Korsak stop dead in his tracks, absolutely shocked.

My entire body starts to feel numb and I look down at myself to see what caused all of this and why Frankie tackles **him** hard to the ground. I can see that my white shirt isn't so white anymore. It starts to get soaked in crimson where I felt the pain must seconds ago and I look at my shaking bloody hands. Now it starts to make sense, now he crossed the line and really hurt someone badly. I just didn't thought that I would be the one he's assaulting with a deadly weapon. Well rather me than a innocent woman who doesn't know in what she get herself into. Now I can be sure that he'll be put behind bars for the rest of his life and that he doesn't have the chance to hurt anyone else. Rather me than someone else. My job is to protect innocent people, to protect my family. My family! God, I wish neither of them had witnessed this situation. I'm just glad that he had chosen this night instead a time when Nick and Haley are around. He had more enough changes to strike me down in their presence. It's already hard enough that Ma and Maura are seeing this. With that thought I stumble back against my car and my knees are giving in completely. I can see that Korsak's holding my screaming and crying Ma back as I crumble to the ground and my heart breaks. I never wanted her to see something like this, that she sees me dying.

I groan when I feel pressure on my abdomen and my eyes find scared, hazel ones. Though they are filled with tears those eyes convey serenity and my body start to relax. But then sadness is flooding through my body. I didn't think that Maura and I would have so less time together and that we barely had the chance to enjoy our time together. I wish that I would have been a better wife and a better mother in the time that was given. That I'd been a better person at all, but this isn't the time to focus at all of my mistakes. I focus at the times Maura and I laughed together, the good times I had with our children and the moments that all of share as a family.

I look long at Maura and peace starts to come over me, acceptance. I believe that not everything I did in my life was that bad. I mean, otherwise Maura wouldn't be here or became a great part in my life at all. Korsak and Frost wouldn't have my back if I'd be an complete ass, and my children would show me if I'd suck in all ways. They have the personality to tell it directly without any words. Jesus, I had the perfect life and I almost lost it during my lifetime.

I'm nor fooling myself. I know that I'm in a extremely critical condition, I taste the blood in the back of my throat. Coming to peace with myself is the only logical thing I can do right now. I'm quite aware that everything is happening in slow motion right now and that everything that seems to take minutes are only moments in real-time, but I embrace it as long as I can before I leave the stage. I can feel how life is draining out of me with every heartbeat and I wish I could find the strength to open my mouth and tell everyone what they mean to me, how each of them affected my life, how they formed my life, how they made me become a better person. Without any of them, I wouldn't be who I am today. My eyes find Maura's once more and my racing heart starts to slow down and my lids become heavy.

"Don't you dare, Jane Rizzoli," Maura says louder. Says? I mean, she commands.

I force myself to keep my eyes open and I'm sure that my lips try to form a smile, but it drops as soon as I see the tears streaming down her face. If this is what he used gain he did a great job. If Andy thought that my death would bring Maura back to him, he's an complete fool.

I wish I could make my vocal chords work and tell Maura how much I love her and how sorry I am for putting her through all of this. That this is okay and that she shouldn't be crying. That she should kiss Haley and Nick goodnight and tell them that I now watch them every night, that I'm still with them and listen to every sorrow and secret they like to share.

"Don't you dare dying on me, Jane." Maura hisses and it seems like she's putting more pressure on my abdomen.

I can't feel the pressure or the pain anymore and know that this isn't a good sign at all. I try to speak but not a word passes my lips. I try to fight the fatigue off but lose the battle. My eyes drops shut and darkness' surrounding me immediately.

"Don't," I hear Maura saying like she talks through a mist to me but I don't find the strength to open my eyes again before the darkness swallows me completely.


	13. Chapter 13

The first thing that I recognize is the very, very disgusting and sterile smell of a hospital when I slowly but surely come back to senses. And then there is this nagging peeping of the heart monitor that fills the room. Somehow I can remember most of the things as I got knifed and the look of Andrew as it seemed like that I'm passing away on the sidewalk. I have absolutely no idea for how long I've been out and everything in my body hurts like hell. A groan makes its way out of my throat and I don't dare to open my eyes because I can sense the presence of someone in my room. I bet it's Ma who's going to cry as soon as I open my eyes and complain about my recklessness as soon as I'm fully awake. But maybe it's just Frankie or Frost who see how I'm doing to keep the others in the loop. This isn't the start in the weekend I've imagined. I try to take a deep breath and wince as soon as pain shoots through my entire body and open my eyes to see who I have to face.

I crack my eyes open and lick my dry lips, taking my time to adjust my eyes to the hurting light in the room. My eyes find the person sitting in a chair close to the bed and know that I've been longer out like it feels because she sits there and reads a book. I'm sure that I'm told that I've been in coma for three months. "Hey there," I croak and am relieved to see her instead of someone else.

Her eyes snap up and she lowers the book into her lap. "Hey," she whispers and a smile grazes her lips.

My eyes drop shut again and I realize that it's still hard to take a deep breath so it can't be that long ago when Andrew stabbed me. "How long have I been out?"

"Three days," she answers unceremoniously and presses her lips together.

I take a moment and close my eyes for a second. "How bad is it?"

"Bad enough to keep you for a couple of weeks at home." Maura whispers and I think she prepares herself for a little disagreement.

"Andy?"

"He got arrested by Frankie and Frost. We don't have to worry about him anymore."

I let the words sink in and try to force my body to work again. "I didn't see that coming. I thought he'd be out of the picture. Maybe it wasn't all too smart to beat him up. I should've known better."

"Neither of us could have known that he snapped completely, Jane." Maura says with a frown.

All of a sudden, I feel bad for everything that happened in the past and I lean my head back. All of this is my fault somehow. It wouldn't have come this far if I'd behave like a grown up. Well, payback is a bitch, right? I dare to look at Maura and furrow my brows. "How's Ma?"

"She is not very pleased about the fact that you gave up in front of the Dirty Robber." Maura says and smiles a little.

My eyebrows shoot up high as soon as I hear those words. "She was more worried about the reputation of the damn bar?"

"Of course she is." Maura replies amused and shakes her head. "No, she was worried sick. I had to send her home to get some rest and a shower."

"Your decent way to tell someone that they smell." I chuckle and make a face as pain shoots through me.

"I was more worried about her well-being." She states and smiles. "Though I know that she didn't get much rest."

I smile tiredly and reach out for Maura's hand. Even though I was out for three days, it feels like a thousand years I touched her the last time. "What about Haley and Nick?"

Maura takes my hand in her own and takes a moment. "They are fine, Jane. I told them that you won't come home for a couple of days because you got hurt. They'd ask if they can visit you."

"No," I say vehemently and shake my head, frowning. "No, I don't want them to see me in such state, Maura. They didn't see me for a couple of months, days won't hurt to much. I -"

"You're only human, Jane." She cuts me short and tries to sooth me with a smile but it doesn't work the slightest bit.

I close my eyes and shake my head, and the damn heart monitor gives me away. I know that I tried to make up for the time that I missed and now a nut named Andrew Tanner takes more time away from me. I don't need to be a doctor to know that the damn stabbing caused a great damage, I already saw myself standing in front of the pearly gates. I mean, frigging Andy is a doctor, was. I'm surprised that I still have a pulse.

"Calm down, Jane." Maura says and squeeze my hand. "Rest, recover and come home. Everything else doesn't matter."

"I'm surprised that I'm still alive." I confess after a time of silence and frown as our eyes meet. "I mean, Andy's a doctor, he know how to injure a person to take their life."

"I … He …" Maura stammers and presses her lips together. "He's in psych ward for now."

"Seriously," I ask in disbelief. "His lawyers try to declare him insane?"

"Perhaps," she whispers and sighs. "Let's not think about that now."

I have to agree, I don't want to think about that now. "No, I'm too tired and too drugged. I sigh and look up at the ceiling. "You know, I thought I would die on the sidewalk and I thought that my life would flash before my eyes. And that I'd see a tunnel of light before I knock on heaven's door. But all I could think of was that Ma is seeing me dying and Frankie and you. And that I've disappointed all of you, that I never became the person that I always wanted to be." I pause and turn the corners of my mouth downward. "And it got clear to me how lucky I am to have you in my life."

"I like the drugged you." Maura says with a smile but I can see that she's relieved that I tell her my last thoughts before I _died_.

I don't tell her that because later I can't remember my words, I will them remember them to a T. I just need to get this off my chest right now. Perhaps I feel quite vulnerable in this moment and because Maura and I are really alone. I smile and furrow my brows. "I also realized how much I missed and how bad I treated **you**. Four months doesn't make up anything. And I don't … I know that we're working out this time, Maura. I'm one thousand percent sure about that. I mean, I finally became a grown-up. I thought that I'd be ready for everything but obviously I was wrong about that. But I had enough time to think about everything I have done wrong in the past, especially the last two days."

"You were the last three days unconscious, Jane." Maura states with a smile and quirks an eyebrow.

I take a moment and frown a little, shrugging. "Enough time to recall the past." I say and smile sheepishly when she rolls her eyes. "Anyway, I've been thinking a lot. And I don't want to watch how you start to date another nutcase."

"Jane, what are you trying to say?"

I look long at her and know that this is probably the worst timing ever, but being attacked and stabbed by Maura's ex made me some things realize again. And then there were Frankie's and Frost's stupid questions before everything went wrong. I raise my eyebrows and hunch my shoulders. "Let's try it again."

She looks puzzled at me and I can see that she wonders if I hit my head before I passed out. "Jane, we're already trying it again, and we are working out."

I sigh loudly and nod slowly. "I know, I didn't mean us as a couple." I pause and roll my eyes at myself. Yeah, that's a great way to broach that subject. "I mean us as a couple, but I'm not talking about a … Maura, I love you more than my own life and I love our kids. I came to the realization that I don't want to miss anything anymore that includes one of your lives. And I can't imagine a life without either of you in it. I -"

"Wait a second." Maura interrupts me and furls her eyebrows. "Jane, are you trying to ask me if I will marry again?"

I stare blankly at her and furrow my eyebrows. But then I nod slowly and swallow hard. "Um, I … I guess that's what's I'm trying to do right now, yes." I take a deep breath and lick my lips. "What do you say?"

She more or less stares at me like she tries to figure out if I mean it serious and my heart drops because her face is unreadable. I'm not used to this, normally she's like an open book to me. All right, being stabbed and almost dying isn't the greatest proof of love, but it does say a lot. I start to worry my bottom lip and hold my breath as a small smile graze her lips. I'm pretty sure that this is finally a good reaction of Maura.

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 **Of course I wasn't going to kill Jane, I never had the plan to do so, but hurting her physically in this story has been in my head for a while now.**

 **However, I know this is another short chapter but I hope you like it anyway. And I'd like to thank you for all the support and your reviews, and for the reading.**

 **Enjoy this little update.**

 **T73.**


	14. Chapter 14

I sit with Haley on the floor of our living room and can't help the smile while I watch her drawing a picture with wax crayons. Since three weeks I'm back at home and since four weeks I know that Ma's going to freak out because Maura said yes to my failed proposal. She already freaked out as she started to make plans for our first wedding, she'll be thrilled to do it all again. I know that Ma loves to plan weddings, of to plan at all.  
I hear a excited barking and look up to see if Nick and Bear, who are enjoying their time in the backyard, are still alright. I sigh and catch his eyes before I focused back at my daughter, but in that second I hear a loud laugh and frown because it's Haley that break out in a fit of laughter. I look at her and furrow my brows. "What's the matter, princess?"  
Haley shakes her head and glance at me like her mother when she thinks that I make a funny face because a thought I had. "You look funny."  
I blink a couple of times and a frown find its way upon my forehead. "Why do I look funny?"  
She's smirking coyly and shrugs without answering my question. She focuses back on her drawing and act like she didn't say anything.  
God, I already know that this girl is going to cause me a lot of headache when she's in the age of dating, both of my children will be cause of headache when they start to date. I better don't start thinking about that right now. We still have a lot of time watching Disney movies and drinking chocolate milk.  
The front door opens and I turn my head to see who's entering the house without permission. I furls my eyebrows as Maura comes in with a dead serious face and I know that something's wrong immediately. I didn't do anything that could've pissed her off so I'm sure that it has to be work related. I rub Haley's back gently and catch her attention with that. "Baby, why don't you go and check what your brother's playing with Bear? I'll join you in a minute."  
Haley hesitates for a second and looks worriedly at me after she caught the look of Maura. "Mama, do you have to go away again?"  
I smile reassuringly at her and shake my head. "No, I don't have to go away again." Or I hope so. My answers seems to calm her down because she jumps up to her feet and runs towards the open glass door that leads to the backyard. I roll my eyes and scoff. I don't know how many times we have to tell Haley and Nick not to run in the house. "And do not run in the house." I say a little louder so Haley can hear me. I didn't listen to my mother either when I was in her age. Well, I still don't listen to Ma sometimes. I become aware of the fact that Maura's standing in the living room and get up from the floor with a loud groan. I almost forgot that I'm not the youngest anymore. There is nothing better than children to remind you how old you are. I wipe my hands in my jeans and turn to Maura to face whatever's about to come. My heart drops as soon as Frankie enters the house as well and see that his expression isn't any different than Maura's. Something tells me that Korsak or Frost got hurt in the line of duty and that either of then won't come back to work. I swallow hard and look at either of them. "What's wrong?"  
Maura's pressing her lips together and seems to look for the easiest way to break the news, looking at my brother.  
Frankie is silent for a second and furls his brows. "Jane, there has been a shootout when Korsak, Frost and I tried to arrest a suspect of our latest case."  
"Korsak?" Is all I can think of and all I can ask in this moment. Korsak's like my father to me and I am not quite sure how I am supposed to do the job without him.  
"He's fine."  
I furls my eyebrows and the next thought that crush my mind is just as painful as the thought of losing Korsak. "Frost?"  
Before I know it Maura's at my side and frowns. "They're both fine, Jane."  
Relief is washing over me and I release my breath I was holding. Losing one of them would be like losing a beloved family member. Either of us went through hell in the past and we got through everything, most of the times. Confusion is taking over and I look questioningly at Frankie and Maura. "So why are you making faces like that?"  
Maura doesn't answer my question and look back at Frankie.  
He takes a deep breath and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "Do you remember a officer named Jason Matthews?"  
This question is confusing me even more and I furls my eyebrows. Of course I know the name Jason Matthews, he and I gratitude the same day from the Academy and shared a patrol car for over a year. Jason and I also have a beer or two every now and then at the Dirty Robber. Jason always said that he'd prefer the days on the streets instead of sitting at a desk most of the days. I never had the feeling that I had to prove myself when Jason was around and that's what I always cherished. He aware of what I'm capable to do. Jason also was a backup of us when we arrested someone, and he always did a hell of a job. I start to nod slowly and furrow my eyebrows. "Sure I remember him. Why do you bring him up."  
"Jane, maybe you should sit down." Maura says gently and tries to guide me to our couch.  
I already heard that tone in her voice. It's that kind of tone that tells you that a person you cared about passed away and that it's shattering your world. Well, Jason and I had been friends for years, not close ones but friends. "I don't want to sit down. Just tell me."  
Frankie sighs heavily and nods to himself. "Jason got shot during the operation and … he didn't make it. I'm sorry, Jane."  
I let the words sink in but they feel surreal. Jason got through all these years without being injured and then there's one lunatic who shoots at him and kill him? I blink a couple of times and stare down at my feet. I run an hand over my face and sigh heavily. "Does Karen know?"  
"No, not yet. Cavanaugh and Jason's supervisor going to tell her."  
"She's pregnant with their fourth child," I whisper more to myself and hold Maura's hand tightly. I'm sure that I'm hurting her but she doesn't flinch or say a word. "God." I walk to the couch and sit down on it. Jason always said that I'd be the cause of his death when we've been on the same patrol, and now he really got killed in the line of duty. And somehow I feel responsible for it, even though I haven't seen him for weeks. I can feel Maura's sitting down next to me and then I feel her hand on my back. I take a deep breath and look at my brother. "He was a good cop and a better man."  
"I know," he whispers and I can see that he means it. He has been working with Jason as well and knows that I'm telling the truth about Jason Matthews.  
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I hear Maura sighing loudly and turn my head to look at her." What?"  
She sighs once more and frowns. "Lieutenant Cavanaugh won't be happy to see you at the station."  
I roll my eyes as we enter BPD headquarters and my shoulders slump. "I'm not here to work, Maura. I'm here to pay Jason Matthews my last respect."  
"That's what funerals are for," she replies and push the button of the elevator.  
"Maura, you know the thrill." I state and catch the glances that some of the officers give me before we step into the elevator.  
Maura sigh again and steps closer to me. "I know. And I still don't like this kind of tradition. I'm always afraid that they're saying your number and name instead of someone else's. I rather hear a other name. Does that make me a bad person?"  
I give her a chased kiss on her lips and shake my head before the elevator door opens. "No, it only makes you a wife who's worried about her … wife."  
"I'm not married anymore."  
"But soon you will be again." I shoot back with a coy smile and she scoffs. We emerge from the elevator at the third floor and enter the bullpen in the middle of something that seems to be Cavanaugh's speech. I catch his eyes and he trails off for a second. I know I'm not on duty but this means a lot to me and because Jason's killer is already behind bars, I have no reason to stay longer than appropriate.  
The bullpen is silent and Cavanaugh walks to the shelf where the radios are placed, switching one of the devices on.  
I take a deep breath and take Maura's hand in my own, waiting for the radio message. There is nothing than crackling in the first place which is really scary. Then it finally comes.  
 _1-2-8 …_  
I clench my teeth and have to swallow hard when no answer's coming, squeezing Maura's hand tight and she looks at me.  
 _1-2-8 ..._  
I can see that Frost's dropping his chin to his chest and how he shakes his head.  
 _This is the last call for radio number 1-2-8. No response from Sergeant Jason Matthews. Radio number 1-2-8 is out of service after twenty-two years and ten months of police service. Although you are gone, you will never be forgotten. Rest in piece, our friend._  
Everyone's getting back to work after the final radio call for Jason and I feel a little lost. I smile at Frost as he comes up to me. "Hey."  
He nods and frowns. "Hey. How are ya feeling?"  
I look around and smile shyly. "Under this circumstances, I'm fine. I'll take my time to recover fully, enjoy the time I have with the kids."  
"You're back," Korsak asks and I open my mouth to answer.  
Cavanaugh does that for me as he comes up, "Rizzoli, you're not supposed to be here."  
I furrow my eyebrows and look at my friends. "I … uh … Sergeant Matthews was a friend of mine, Sir. I'm just here do pay my last respect."  
He eyes me skeptically and nods. "I know. Can't wait to have you back."  
"Thanks, Sir," I say and can't help the little smile.  
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 **So, one chapter left to go.**  
 **Thanks for all the support you guys gave me. I hope you'll enjoy this update.**  
 **T73.**


	15. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

I stand with Frankie and Tommy and talk about everything and nothing whilst Maura's standing with our parents, doing the same like me. I take a look around in the hall and frown a little. We told Ma that we want to keep the solemnity plain and simple, but I think those words doesn't exist in my mother's vocabulary. This wedding turned out to be even bigger than the first one. Family members are attending I haven't seen in ages, or didn't know at all. Well, it made my mother beyond happy when Maura and I told her that we wanna give a marriage another shot but somehow Ma doesn't seemed to be so surprised about that news. I'm quite sure that one of my brothers accidentally told her about it, or Frost or Korsak. Howsoever, it didn't belittle her enthusiasm about it. She was the first who offered to plan all of this. Sadly, Maura told Ma that money doesn't matter … again. I'm very sure that she regret it now. I already told Maura never to say something like that to Ma. Never.  
No matter how many times I let my eyes wander around in the room, they always land on Maura. I really thought that she was beautiful at our first wedding and that my eyes would never again catch such a sight. Well, I've been wrong because she looked even more beautiful in the time of her first pregnancy. But today, she's breathtaking, every time I catch a glimpse of her my heart skips a beat. It's not because of what she's wearing, it's because Maura's beaming and really laughing sometimes when one of her friends is saying something funny, at least I guess they're saying something that makes her laugh.  
At least Maura and I kept our clothing plain and simple this time. She's wearing a plain light gray dress that fits her perfectly well. I didn't know that she owns this, but I'm sure that she bought it with my mother not so long ago. Well, and I'm dressed like usual, almost like usual. My dark pantsuit is one of the kind you wear every day, you only wear it at special occasions. And I don't wear a simple tee this time, I wear dark red dress shirt. All in all, my outfit cost me a fortune, but I don't care about it. All that matters is that I don't wear my dress uniform this time, I'll rather see it as a bad omen. The last time I wore it at a wedding, the marriage failed.  
Of course Ma complained that I still didn't want to wear a dress, but there's no chance in hell that she's going to see me in such piece of clothing. **Never** **ever**! I don't even remember the last time I wore a dress … and I'm proud about that fact.  
I'm a little surprised that I don't see neither Nick, Haley nor Maura's sister around and that worries me a little bit. I only hope that they didn't convince Cailin of driving back home so they can spend the rest of the day with Bear. Slowly but surely, I think that I made a huge mistake by buying that dog. There's barely a time our children aren't around Bear. No, I don't regret it at all. On the contrary, I'm glad that this is the way how they learn to take over responsibility.  
I'm not longer able to stay away from my wife. "Excuse me for a minute ," I say and smile apologetically at Frankie because he was about to say something and shut his mouth as I start to walk without waiting for any response. I smile as I hear Tommy starting to chuckle and shoulder my way through the audience. I sneak up behind Maura and warn Susie with my gaze as she suddenly tense up. I really have no clue why my presence always intimidate her. I step closer and place my hands on Maura's hips and she trails off immediately. "Do you know where our children are?" I ask as I bend my head to her ear a little.  
She turns her head so she can look at me and nods. "They are outside with TJ, Cailin and Lydia. They got a little iffy during the day."  
I smirk when her eyes drop to my lips and Susie clears her throat, excusing herself. I really have to force myself so my hands won't do anything that isn't meant for others eyes.  
It's like Maura can read my mind because she says, "We have all night long, Jane. And the entire weekend."  
I swallow a growl and take a deep breath, furrowing my eyebrows. "Can't we just hide in the restroom and make out for five minutes?"  
She turns in my arms and run her hands over my shoulders. "Later, when we are alone." She replies and wraps her arms around my neck.  
I bend my head and kiss her gently, not caring about the people around us. I really can't resist those lips since I'm again allowed to feel them on mine. No matter how bad my day was, a kiss of Maura always makes everything better. I pull her even closer but don't deepen this kiss. This is not about seduction, this is about telling Maura that this time I'm not running away and that we'll handling everything that life's coming up with, together. And I can feel that she's believing me, that she knows that I became my old self again and that I stay true to my word this time. That she is sure that she can rely on me again, no matter what.  
"Jesus, get a room," someone calls out and I'm sure it was Korsak. I'm gonna kill him later.  
Maura starts snickering and breaks the kiss.  
I roll my eyes and lean my forehead against my wife's, resisting the urge to flip the bird at whoever called that.  
Maura laughs heartily and kisses me once again gently.  
I sigh and kiss her back without hesitance. Today, it could be the end of the world and I wouldn't care. In this moment I am with those people I love the most and that's all that matters. Nothing is going to ruin this moment, this day or this new life. I pull away and look deep into hazel eyes. "I love you so much, Maura." I whisper and brush her cheek with the tip of my thumb.  
She smiles broadly at me and holds my gaze. "I love you too."  
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 **Alright guys, this is it, that's the end of this story. Thank you all for your support, I really didn't think that I'd get such great feedback for When Love Gets Complicated. Thank you, thank you, thank you !**  
 **I really enjoyed writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it.**  
 **And thanks for following, favorite and reviewing … I really can't thank you enough :D**  
 **I hope you guys will like the epilogue.**  
 **Enjoy.**  
 **T73.**


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